What to do about the crazy lady next door

[maddmaxx]

Long story.  I had new neighbors move into the house next door back in the summer.  A guy, his live in girl friend and his adult son.  I'm guessing about 50ish.  I still don't know their names (Bob and Allie).  Husband is a machinist at Electric Boat, complete with the obligatory missing finger part.  Son is a gearhead who doesn't seem to know much about cars.  Allie is.........well, not all there.  It's their first house and they are discovering that they don't like it all that much (lots more work than I expected).  He works long hours and lots of overtime.  Son killed his car and moved out to live with girlfriend. Suddenly about a month ago we noticed that there wasn't much activity around the house such as snow shovelling or yard cleanup.  That's the background story.

Then came the knock.  "Hi, can you take me to the store?  I'm out of food and the car's in the shop after it got hit in a hit and run and I don't drive.  I've been calling everyone and no one will answer their phone."  Being an easy mark I took her to the grocery store.  Then came the story.  "Bob's in the hospital.  He had two seizures at work" "He is expected back sometime in Feb."

2 days later she convinced womaxx to take her to the store.  Womaxx attempted to educate her on the grocery delivery service the local supermarket runs.  They stopped at the bank so she could check and see if her money had been deposited.

Next day I observed that she got a ride somewhere from the 91 year old widow who lives across the street.  Then womaxx took her one more time.

Today she knocked.  "Do you know where I can get some oil.  The house has run out of oil.  I called the police today and they helped but the oil can't be delivered before Friday.  (cold and ice storm tonight/tomorrow).  I don't use oil and have no information that would help.

Because I don't want her to die next door.......while at the same time not wanting to bring her in here I called the local police, first to see if they had indeed spoken to her earlier and also to see if there were any emergency services that might look in on her.  They were going to check as I got the night shift and the day shift had left.

 

What do you think you would do?  I don't think she has the capacity to look after herself but I'm not getting involved.  I have trouble believing that Bob is in the hospital for more than a month but I have no information, nor do I want to get involved.

 

[smudge]

Ugh, that's a tough one. I feel same as you.  All I got is 

[donkpow]

14 minutes ago, maddmaxx said:

What do you think you would do?

Contact social services. That's the kind of thing they do. It may take you all day to talk to the right people.

[Dirtyhip]

This!!!   There are organizations for things like this.  There will be loops of fire.

31 minutes ago, donkpow said:

Contact social services. That's the kind of thing they do. It may take you all day to talk to the right people.

 

[petitepedal]

I am with DH and Donkpow

[maddmaxx]

That's why I contacted the police.  We don't have much in the way of social services in this little town.  I hoped that they might check on her and initiate the process.

[donkpow]

Social services are usually administered on a county wide basis rather than communities.

It sounds like she may be receiving supplemental income or something like that.

There may be a liaison person at the hospital who has all the contacts for this type of thing.

Didn't you say her husband will be back home this month?

[Longjohn]

Talk to Old#7, he is a soft mark for needy people even when it’s their own fault. Actually i’m A bit that way myself.

[maddmaxx]

45 minutes ago, donkpow said:

Social services are usually administered on a county wide basis rather than communities.

It sounds like she may be receiving supplemental income or something like that.

There may be a liaison person at the hospital who has all the contacts for this type of thing.

Didn't you say her husband will be back home this month?

That's what she said.  I know nothink.  I believe he makes pretty good money.  It's possible that she is receiving some sort of disability as she has more illnesses than I can remember.

[Scrapr]

is your spare bedroom taken? 

[maddmaxx]

Just now, Scrapr said:

is your spare bedroom taken? 

Filled with 32 people.  

[Kirby]

I'm more cynical.  I'd be afraid that once you get started with this, you're in it for a long time, and if there is any accident when you're driving her around, you'll have a lawsuit on your hands.  I',m sure she can figure out how to take care of herself, but won't need to do so as long as neighbors will help her out.   I suspect this is going to be a situation where no good deed goes unpunished. 

[Parsnip Totin Jack]

35 minutes ago, Longjohn said:

Talk to Old#7, he is a soft mark for needy people even when it’s their own fault. Actually i’m A bit that way myself.

You read me wrong; it's Wo7 who's the soft mark. I'm a dick if you did nothing your whole life and suddenly found yourself in a bad place. It's why I worked hard and sacrificed things when I was younger. I feel bad for people who are real victims of circumstance but they had better be prepared to pull some weight if I help them. 

[Tizeye]

What is wrong with everybody as no one has brought up the almost obligatory phrase "but is she hawt". Really slipping here!

[Longjohn]

3 minutes ago, Tizeye said:

What is wrong with everybody as no one has brought up the almost obligatory phrase "but is she hawt". Really slipping here!

She couldn’t be hawt or she would have hound dawgs hauling her around.

[2Far]

I’d move. 

[Airehead]

The county should have an emergency need phone number. Ours is 211.  Give her the number. 

[Dirtyhip]

1 hour ago, Kirby said:

I'm more cynical.  I'd be afraid that once you get started with this, you're in it for a long time, and if there is any accident when you're driving her around, you'll have a lawsuit on your hands.  I',m sure she can figure out how to take care of herself, but won't need to do so as long as neighbors will help her out.   I suspect this is going to be a situation where no good deed goes unpunished. 

Didn't even think of this.  You are wise.  

[ChrisL]

1 hour ago, Kirby said:

I'm more cynical.  I'd be afraid that once you get started with this, you're in it for a long time, and if there is any accident when you're driving her around, you'll have a lawsuit on your hands.  I',m sure she can figure out how to take care of herself, but won't need to do so as long as neighbors will help her out.   I suspect this is going to be a situation where no good deed goes unpunished. 

I actually had this happen with my neighbor.  Her mom owns the house and she’s lived there rent free for 25 years.  She never had steady work and a laundry list of live in guys to support her. She has a daughter my daughters age and when they were little it was, oh can Julia spend the night? Then she’d take off all weekend?  When her car broke down we got, can you take me to the grocery store when you go? Then it was I need milk, can you take me right now?  Then it got to here’s my list and $50.  When her phone got shut off she asked to make an emergency call.  We then became her answering service as she gave our number to her boyfriend.

We learned to just say no to everything. My water got shut off can I... No.  I have an emergency, can I....No.  

Nothing wrong with helping a person in need, most of us would but some people will take advantage of you.

[MickinMD]

9 hours ago, donkpow said:

Contact social services. That's the kind of thing they do. It may take you all day to talk to the right people.

Agreed.  You don't know the people well enough to anymore than drive them to the store as a favor.

[maddmaxx]

7 hours ago, Kirby said:

I'm more cynical.  I'd be afraid that once you get started with this, you're in it for a long time, and if there is any accident when you're driving her around, you'll have a lawsuit on your hands.  I',m sure she can figure out how to take care of herself, but won't need to do so as long as neighbors will help her out.   I suspect this is going to be a situation where no good deed goes unpunished. 

This is why I'm trying to avoid further assistance.  This is a different set of circumstances than assisting the 91 year old lady across the street whom we have known for more than 30 years.  Perhaps during the week in which we assisted this one 4 times the biggest clue was that no one else she knew would answer her phone calls for help.  This situation makes me very nervous.

[Airehead]

9 minutes ago, maddmaxx said:

This is why I'm trying to avoid further assistance.  This is a different set of circumstances than assisting the 91 year old lady across the street whom we have known for more than 30 years.  Perhaps during the week in which we assisted this one 4 times the biggest clue was that no one else she knew would answer her phone calls for help.  This situation makes me very nervous.

All the more reason to give her the assistance number and step out. You are not the solution to her problems. It is hard to say no but really the best thing for her. 

[Prophet Zacharia]

17 minutes ago, maddmaxx said:

What to do about the crazy lady next door

Crazy people take offense to being labeled the same as this mooch. I bet Bob’s in rehab (or jail), this sounds like a totally dysfunctional family and I’d bet addiction is at the center of it. Stay as far away as your property limit permits! (And I’d use the google machine to see if Bob has any prior court hearings ).

[Kzoo]

1 hour ago, Prophet Zacharia said:

Crazy people take offense to being labeled the same as this mooch. I bet Bob’s in rehab (or jail), this sounds like a totally dysfunctional family and I’d bet addiction is at the center of it. Stay as far away as your property limit permits! (And I’d use the google machine to see if Bob has any prior court hearings ).

I’d spend the 10 bucks a state court records check costs here in Michigan.

[Indy]

What would I do?  Since I assume picking up your house and moving it is out of the question, I'd put in a camera system so I could see her coming and know not to open the door.

[Mr. Silly]

1 hour ago, Kzoo said:

I’d spend the 10 bucks a state court records check costs here in Michigan.

PACER is a good resource for researching federal issues.  You get a couple free searches (I think 10).  The price is reasonable if you exceed your limit.

To get the names of your neighbor, I think there's a "who's your neighbor" feature in Google Maps.  It came in handy when I met someone who lived down the street then, when our dogs were butt-sniffing on a walk, I couldn't remember his name but he remembered mine.    

[team scooter]

We have an arrogant couple across the street (we call them Mr and Mrs Cliff Clavin) that will constantly ask for favors, but never reciprocates. To the point where we avoid eye contact. About a month ago they started ringing our door bell and banging on our door at 11pm. And apparently, someone banging on the door in the middle of the night triggers flashbacks for Maggie {our rescue dog} from her previous life. We've never seen her so terrified.

So they locked themselves out of their house wearing PJs, in 20 degree temps, so we let them in. After 45 minutes of hearing their life stories, and Maggie barking, snarling and trying to rip him apart, (maybe because he's an ex mail carrier) I finally asked if they had called a locksmith or something. They had not, but they figured, since I'm a handy guy,  I could solve their problem for them. That, or they could just spend the rest of the night in one of our spare rooms and make some calls in the morning. When I offered to lend them a sledge hammer and some duct tape they appeared aggravated. I told them I'd break my own window before I would wake up my neighbors and handed them the phone book and a phone.  After they called every locksmith in the phone book, without results, I called the Sheriff, I told them it was midnight, we had this couple sitting in our kitchen, and asked if they had a phone list for such emergencies. Two Sheriff units showed up ten minutes later, assessed the situation, then called a locksmith that answered. After two more hours of Cliff Clavin-isms, the locksmith opened their door for them. 

This is the story about having a way to get in your house in just such an emergency. Or never answer your door in the middle of the night. 

 

[Indy]

44 minutes ago, team scooter said:

We have an arrogant couple across the street (we call them Mr and Mrs Cliff Clavin) that will constantly ask for favors, but never reciprocates. To the point where we avoid eye contact. About a month ago they started ringing our door bell and banging on our door at 11pm. And apparently, someone banging on the door in the middle of the night triggers flashbacks for Maggie {our rescue dog} from her previous life. We've never seen her so terrified.

So they locked themselves out of their house wearing PJs, in 20 degree temps, so we let them in. After 45 minutes of hearing their life stories, and Maggie barking, snarling and trying to rip him apart, (maybe because he's an ex mail carrier) I finally asked if they had called a locksmith or something. They had not, but they figured, since I'm a handy guy,  I could solve their problem for them. That, or they could just spend the rest of the night in one of our spare rooms and make some calls in the morning. When I offered to lend them a sledge hammer and some duct tape they appeared aggravated. I told them I'd break my own window before I would wake up my neighbors and handed them the phone book and a phone.  After they called every locksmith in the phone book, without results, I called the Sheriff, I told them it was midnight, we had this couple sitting in our kitchen, and asked if they had a phone list for such emergencies. Two Sheriff units showed up ten minutes later, assessed the situation, then called a locksmith that answered. After two more hours of Cliff Clavin-isms, the locksmith opened their door for them. 

This is the story about having a way to get in your house in just such an emergency. Or never answer your door in the middle of the night. 

 

I agree with you, if all else fails, I'd pick my least favorite window and get in.

[Indy]

Of course it's really difficult to get locked out of my house.

On multiple doors, plus code pad for garage door.

[Longjohn]

6 minutes ago, Indy said:

Of course it's really difficult to get locked out of my house.

On multiple doors, plus code pad for garage door.

I would lock myself out all the time with one of those. I suck at passcodes.

[Indy]

1 minute ago, Longjohn said:

I would lock myself out all the time with one of those. I suck at passcodes.

They are all the same code that you set.  Plus, 1234 is easy to remember.

[Longjohn]

1 minute ago, Indy said:

They are all the same code that you set.  Plus, 1234 is easy to remember.

Now you’re talking about my bike lock.

[Razors Edge]

8 minutes ago, Longjohn said:

Now you’re talking about my bike lock.

Go with your birthday or your wife's birthday.  Do NOT use your anniversary.

Boom!

[Square Wheels]

24 minutes ago, Indy said:

Of course it's really difficult to get locked out of my house.

On multiple doors, plus code pad for garage door.

We have something similar.  I love it.  Half the world has our code, so it's not very effective.  I'd like to get a more modern one that lets me control it by Wifi and add / remove users.

[maddmaxx]

I hate to admit it but my security systems are so lax that I can and have in the past entered my house in under 60 seconds with a minimum of tools.  This works because we have so far been enough beyond the crime zones that we could probably get by without ever locking the house.  I lock my car once a year, on Halloween, mostly for no good reason.

I think the times they are a changing tho.

[Indy]

1 minute ago, Square Wheels said:

We have something similar.  I love it.  Half the world has our code, so it's not very effective.  I'd like to get a more modern one that lets me control it by Wifi and add / remove users.

That's why I have my Aushole security system.  You'd have to be pretty dumb to break into my house with the red dog in there.  She is just a tad bit psycho, only four people in this world are allowed to touch her.

 

[Indy]

1 minute ago, maddmaxx said:

I hate to admit it but my security systems are so lax that I can and have in the past entered my house in under 60 seconds with a minimum of tools.  This works because we have so far been enough beyond the crime zones that we could probably get by without ever locking the house.  I lock my car once a year, on Halloween, mostly for no good reason.

I think the times they are a changing tho.

My wife now wants a remote system to control the garage door because we are so laxed, we often forget to shut it anymore.  There is almost always a door we forgot to lock, but at least they are shut so it isn't obvious like the garage door.

[team scooter]

27 minutes ago, Indy said:

Of course it's really difficult to get locked out of my house.

On multiple doors, plus code pad for garage door.

Our neighbors have a keycode to get into their garage, but not to get into the house from the garage. After that night, I stashed an extra key outside, just in case..... 

[Indy]

Just now, team scooter said:

Our neighbors have a keycode to get into their garage, but not to get into the house from the garage. After that night, I stashed an extra key outside, just in case..... 

I have never locked the door between the garage in the house.  If you can get in the garage, I always figured what the point as shut the door and all the tools anyone could ever want are right there making it easy to get through a door without anyone seeing you.

Now my Ausholes do like to jump at that door and are known for hitting the lock and locking it on us, so I'm changing that knob out to just a standard knob with no lock on it at all.

[team scooter]

2 minutes ago, Indy said:

I have never locked the door between the garage in the house.  If you can get in the garage, I always figured what the point as shut the door and all the tools anyone could ever want are right there making it easy to get through a door without anyone seeing you.

Now my Ausholes do like to jump at that door and are known for hitting the lock and locking it on us, so I'm changing that knob out to just a standard knob with no lock on it at all.

Agreed. Our main entry is though our garage. We'll only lock that door if we go out of town...

[ChrisL]

38 minutes ago, Indy said:

That's why I have my Aushole security system.  You'd have to be pretty dumb to break into my house with the red dog in there.  She is just a tad bit psycho, only four people in this world are allowed to touch her.

 

I have mentioned my Aussie was much the same way.  My daughter just bought an Aussie from a breeder (picks him up Sun) and I thought it interesting that this breeder is breeding out that quality.  Their Aussies are a much more friendly & outgoing.  

A neighbor of theirs has the most chill and friendly female Aussie I have ever met and referred my daughter to where they got her. 

[Indy]

9 minutes ago, ChrisL said:

I have mentioned my Aussie was much the same way.  My daughter just bought an Aussie from a breeder (picks him up Sun) and I thought it interesting that this breeder is breeding out that quality.  Their Aussies are a much more friendly & outgoing.  

A neighbor of theirs has the most chill and friendly female Aussie I have ever met and referred my daughter to where they got her. 

My mini is friendlier and will warm up to people.  Red, after well over a year of trying, my father still has not managed to touch her.  She will take a treat from people, but that's it if she's at home, she's more chill out in public though.

[ChrisL]

1 minute ago, Indy said:

My mini is friendlier and will warm up to people.  Red, after well over a year of trying, my father still has not managed to touch her.  She will take a treat from people, but that's it if she's at home, she's more chill out in public though.

Right... I had to really keep ours on a tight leash after she nearly bit a kid who ran up behind us trying to get to the playground our kids were at.  If you were one of the “good people” you were golden.  She took to my neighbor (other neighbor not the flaky lady) immediately but she never warmed up to my brother.

[Indy]

1 minute ago, ChrisL said:

Right... I had to really keep ours on a tight leash after she nearly bit a kid who ran up behind us trying to get to the playground our kids were at.  If you were one of the “good people” you were golden.  She took to my neighbor (other neighbor not the flaky lady) immediately but she never warmed up to my brother.

Run up is a bit different, but she likes wandering the pet store and sniffing everyone, of course she was also a rescue and the rescue group we got her from regularly took her out to places and events.  But home is her safe place and no one that doesn't live there messes with her at home.  So it works out really well until the kids wants to have a friend over, the Ausholes do not like that.

[2Far]

3 hours ago, Indy said:

They are all the same code that you set.  Plus, 1234 is easy to remember.

That’s the same as my luggage!

[Prophet Zacharia]

4 hours ago, team scooter said:

This is the story about having a way to get in your house in just such an emergency. Or never answer your door in the middle of the night.

I closed the garage this morning before realizing I didn’t have my keys. Fortunately I have a key to our back food hidden on our porch for just such an occasion.
And I don’t answer the door or the phone, ever, unless I am expecting someone.

[2Far]

Our front door is deadbolt only. The back door also has a knob lock and seems to randomly stick when the knob is turned. It’s locked me out twice and Wo2 once. 

[Indy]

41 minutes ago, Prophet Zacharia said:

I closed the garage this morning before realizing I didn’t have my keys. Fortunately I have a key to our back food hidden on our porch for just such an occasion.
And I don’t answer the door or the phone, ever, unless I am expecting someone.

Well, I guess you at least don't have to worry about starving while you are locked out of the house.

[Prophet Zacharia]

30 minutes ago, Indy said:

Well, I guess you at least don't have to worry about starving while you are locked out of the house.

Yeah... I don’t know how “door” became “food”... I wasn’t THAT hungry! 

[maddmaxx]

And...........the phone numbers are delivered.

 

We'll see.