Square Wheels Posted July 16, 2014 Share #1 Posted July 16, 2014 I suspect you would not tell someone you were talking to that you think they don't look good and are fat. So why then do you think it's OK to tell them they look like they lost a lot of weight and look good? I've lost a lot of weight over the past few years and I've kept it all off. I still have more to lose, but I'm on a losing hiatus for a little while. I've had a lot of people tell me I look great and don't need to lose any more. What did they think of me when I didn't "look great"? I don't comment on people's appearance either way. Whether someone is overweight or fit, it is their choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris... Posted July 16, 2014 Share #2 Posted July 16, 2014 You look fat 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldendesign Posted July 16, 2014 Share #3 Posted July 16, 2014 Meh, I told a friend of mine, seriously obese (400+, 5'6"), that he needed to do something about his weight a few years back. He did lose a ton of weight (low of 180) but since his engagement he has added quite a bit back. I mentioned to him about his weight gain and he needs to look into controlling it again else lose all that hard work. I don't say it cruelly or with disdain. I mention with care. But he is probably one of my closet friends. Given less personal knowledge of a person, say a co worker. I don't think I could mention nor bring up weight or even comment on weight loss unless the person brought it up first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chopped Liver Posted July 16, 2014 Share #4 Posted July 16, 2014 I figure most people who need to lose weight know they need to lose weight. I just try to set a good example, and will even invite them to come along on a bike ride sometime....usually they decline. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrentonMakes Posted July 16, 2014 Share #5 Posted July 16, 2014 I figure most people who need to lose weight know they need to lose weight. This - but it has occurred to me in the past that telling someone "you lost a lot of weight, you look fantastic" could easily be taken as "man, you looked like hell before". 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrAzY Posted July 16, 2014 Share #6 Posted July 16, 2014 It all depends on the situation. If they are asking my opinion on their weight, of if they are trying to take the last food item I want, then yes.. other then that, nope... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Former member Posted July 16, 2014 Share #7 Posted July 16, 2014 If I know the person has been trying to lose weight, and they have obviously lost weight, I would ask "have you lost some weigh?" . I would never tell anyone I like that they look fat, unless their name is Couch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirtyhip Posted July 16, 2014 Share #8 Posted July 16, 2014 No. Although, I sometimes look in the mirror and tell myself that I am getting fat. Then, I work hard to get leaner. I want to lose another 3-5 pounds. That would be very fit for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoseySusan Posted July 16, 2014 Share #9 Posted July 16, 2014 I don't say anything to people about their current weight one way or the other, but I compliment weight loss. It's damn hard to lose weight, so I compliment their grit. Studies show, however, that compliments can have the reverse effect on weight loss goals. The positive feedback can stall someone's progress because they no longer feel the urgency that led them to want to lose. After I lost 35 pounds a friend at work tells me every single time she sees me "Don't lose any more weight." She's actively undermining my goals, and her comments are more about her own insecurity with her weight than about complimenting me. It's easy to tell the difference between people who share an admiration for fitness and those who speak out of jealousy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted July 16, 2014 Share #10 Posted July 16, 2014 I am fat. My boss, a friend since jr. high told me so. I would give reasons why I did not have time to take care of myself. He told me they all sounded like excuses to him. Been back in the gym two days a week since around the start of the year. Weight was over 260. Got on the scale last night and weight was 246. Around 20 lbs gone. I can tell a huge difference in my fitness level and muscle tone. So can our trainer at the gym apparently, as he upped all my reps 20 to 50% last night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chopped Liver Posted July 16, 2014 Share #11 Posted July 16, 2014 I am fat. My boss, a friend since jr. high told me so. I would give reasons why I did not have time to take care of myself. He told me they all sounded like excuses to him. Been back in the gym two days a week since around the start of the year. Weight was over 260. Got on the scale last night and weight was 246. Around 20 lbs gone. I can tell a huge difference in my fitness level and muscle tone. So can our trainer at the gym apparently, as he upped all my reps 20 to 50% last night. Congrats! Keep it up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoseySusan Posted July 16, 2014 Share #12 Posted July 16, 2014 "You are not fat. You have fat. You also have fingernails, but you are not fingernails." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted July 16, 2014 Share #13 Posted July 16, 2014 "You are not fat. You have fat. You also have fingernails, but you are not fingernails." No, I am fat, but I do not have to stay that way. Also, I am the human equivalent to fingernails on a chalkboard to many. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kingtermite Posted July 16, 2014 Share #14 Posted July 16, 2014 I suspect you would not tell someone you were talking to that you think they don't look good and are fat. So why then do you think it's OK to tell them they look like they lost a lot of weight and look good? I've lost a lot of weight over the past few years and I've kept it all off. I still have more to lose, but I'm on a losing hiatus for a little while. I've had a lot of people tell me I look great and don't need to lose any more. What did they think of me when I didn't "look great"? I don't comment on people's appearance either way. Whether someone is overweight or fit, it is their choice. Because one is a positive statement and the other is a negative statement. Positivity is always the better road to trek. Negativity hurts you as much as the other person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend_Maynard Posted July 16, 2014 Share #15 Posted July 16, 2014 I would never tell someone they are fat. Generally, I would not tell someone they look good after losing weight either. If someone brings up weight loss, exercise, diet, etc. I'll give my opinion about how they can reach their goals, but I wouldn't comment on what those goals are or should be. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Road Runner Posted July 16, 2014 Share #16 Posted July 16, 2014 I agree with the Rev. No way I would ever tell someone they were fat or comment on their physical appearance at all, for that matter. It's none of my business. Also, people in glass houses should never throw rocks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted July 16, 2014 Share #17 Posted July 16, 2014 Okay, so here is my take. If I have a relationship with someone and truly care about them, and I see them doing something harmful to themselves, then isn't it incumbent of me to let them know? Speaking the truth in love is much better than avoiding the issue. When I was making my excuses above, my friend was bold enough to call me on them. What he told me stayed with me. He said "You can either take the time take care of yourself now, or have that time forced on you later when you are in the hospital." Made me stop and think. I was putting all sorts of things in front of me. Wife, work, kids, scouts, and more than a bit of laziness. Now I spend about two hours a week in the gym and I have more energy, I feel better, I look better, I sleep better, on and on the list goes. And when people notice the difference it is just a bit more of an affirmation that I needed to change. I am not saying we should all get on our high horses and start pointing and chatting "fatty" as we point our fingers, but I am saying that pointing out what we see as an issue to someone we care about is not a bad thing. Nor is affirming positive change in those same people. I am fat. I am less fat today than I was yesterday. I would probably have been even fatter had not one person told me I was fat and for that I am thankful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirtyhip Posted July 16, 2014 Share #18 Posted July 16, 2014 People constantly try to undermine my health and fitness. A gal I am friendly with is always trying to feed me, despite my efforts to ask her not to. Monday, I was brought a strawberry scone. I said no thank you. She replied with things like "I brought this especially for you." and "You need to eat. You are too thin." I finally took it and just tossed it in the trash quietly. I do not like meetings with food. It seems like the entire room is peer pressuring me into eating like they do. Some even say comments that most lean people would find insulting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Karen_Cooper_Incident Posted July 16, 2014 Share #19 Posted July 16, 2014 No, I wouldn't tell someone they looked fat. I would probably pull the typical response and try to evade answering the question. Couch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Road Runner Posted July 16, 2014 Share #20 Posted July 16, 2014 I have, on occasion, thought about congratulating a woman on her "condition" or asking when she was due, but then thought better of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted July 16, 2014 Share #21 Posted July 16, 2014 People constantly try to undermine my health and fitness. A gal I am friendly with i9s always trying to feed me, despite my efforts to ask her not to. Monday, I was brought a strawberry scone. I said no thank you. She replied with things like "I brought this especially for you." and "You need to eat. You are too thin." I finally took it and just tossed it in the trash quietly. I do not like meetings with food. It seems like the entire room is peer pressuring me into eating like they do. Some even say comments that most lean people would find insulting. Chicks are different, though, no chick can stand to see another fit and not fat. Fat people/non-active people will do this to dudes, too, but much less overtly. Face it, people suck. Some are happy that you are happy, some feel less unhappy about themselves when the see struggles in others. People you work with are often the worst Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Karen_Cooper_Incident Posted July 16, 2014 Share #22 Posted July 16, 2014 I have, on occasion, thought about congratulating a woman on her "condition" or asking when she was due, but then thought better of it. That happened to a friend of mine the other day. She isn't expecting. And trust me, she's the wrong type of woman to make that mistake with. She's lost several children. And, she carries a gun. My friend does show mercy though. She didn't kill the person who asked the question. Couch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted July 16, 2014 Share #23 Posted July 16, 2014 People constantly try to undermine my health and fitness. A gal I am friendly with i9s always trying to feed me, despite my efforts to ask her not to. Monday, I was brought a strawberry scone. I said no thank you. She replied with things like "I brought this especially for you." and "You need to eat. You are too thin." I finally took it and just tossed it in the trash quietly. I do not like meetings with food. It seems like the entire room is peer pressuring me into eating like they do. Some even say comments that most lean people would find insulting. You need to eat more protein, put on a few pounds. It will help you think more clearly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Road Runner Posted July 16, 2014 Share #24 Posted July 16, 2014 Chicks are different, though, no chick can stand to see another fit and not fat. Fat people/non-active people will do this to dudes, too, but much less overtly. Face it, people suck. Some are happy that you are happy, some feel less unhappy about themselves when the see struggles in others. People you work with are often the worst Yes, I think this is why people like "reality" shows. Other people having problems make the couch potatoes feel good about their lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoseySusan Posted July 16, 2014 Share #25 Posted July 16, 2014 I get the same thing, DH. It's more about them than it is about us. Eventually, they'll stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted July 16, 2014 Share #26 Posted July 16, 2014 Yes, I think this is why people like "reality" shows. Other people having problems make the couch potatoes feel good about their lives. I have not been riding my bike much, so I took great satisfaction when I heard how dangerous bike riding can be recently.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted July 16, 2014 Share #27 Posted July 16, 2014 I get the same thing, DH. It's more about them than it is about us. Eventually, they'll stop. They will stop after you bring them a sandwich. Bring me one too please, extra ham and cheese. Get one for yourself too if you want. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Road Runner Posted July 16, 2014 Share #28 Posted July 16, 2014 I have not been riding my bike much, so I took great satisfaction when I heard how dangerous bike riding can be recently.... Seriously, I think some of my neighbors take a little bit of comfort when they find out that the old guy who is always riding his bike got his come uppance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chopped Liver Posted July 16, 2014 Share #29 Posted July 16, 2014 I get the same thing, DH. It's more about them than it is about us. Eventually, they'll stop. no, they won't. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirtyhip Posted July 16, 2014 Share #30 Posted July 16, 2014 I get the same thing, DH. It's more about them than it is about us. Eventually, they'll stop. No they won't. This has been going on for years. I am not holding my breath that they will change, although I am sure these ladies would like me to. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoseySusan Posted July 16, 2014 Share #31 Posted July 16, 2014 Then fuck 'em. You're the one walking around in a smokin' figure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Former member Posted July 16, 2014 Share #32 Posted July 16, 2014 No they won't. This has been going on for years. I am not holding my breath that they will change, although I am sure these ladies would like me to.start asking them to bring you food, and then sneak it to a person less fortunate than you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirtyhip Posted July 16, 2014 Share #33 Posted July 16, 2014 Then fuck 'em. You're the one walking around in a smokin' figure. Love you!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted July 16, 2014 Share #34 Posted July 16, 2014 Then fuck 'em. You're the one walking around in a smokin' figure. Love you!!!!! We really need pics of you two just to confirm said smoking figures..... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoseySusan Posted July 16, 2014 Share #35 Posted July 16, 2014 Love you!!!!! We are going to bust ass on that 5 pounds, beotch! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirtyhip Posted July 16, 2014 Share #36 Posted July 16, 2014 start asking them to bring you food, and then sneak it to a person less fortunate than you. Sox, it is all junk food they bring to me. These things have zero nutritional value. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Road Runner Posted July 16, 2014 Share #37 Posted July 16, 2014 We are going to bust ass on that 5 pounds, beotch! I've heard that violent scissoring is a good way to burn unwanted fat. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirtyhip Posted July 16, 2014 Share #38 Posted July 16, 2014 We are going to bust ass on that 5 pounds, beotch! Agreed. Now that I am off the other MS med, I don't have to reserve a little giggle for safe injecting. Awesome! The pill is really great. First couple months are hell, but it's tapering off now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoseySusan Posted July 16, 2014 Share #39 Posted July 16, 2014 Awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Former member Posted July 16, 2014 Share #40 Posted July 16, 2014 Sox, it is all junk food they bring to me. These things have zero nutritional value.start making specific requests for food. It doesn't need to be stuff that you would prepare, just real food that most average people live off of. People will eat garbage out of dumpsters to survive. I'm sure the food they bring would be better than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destination Posted July 16, 2014 Share #41 Posted July 16, 2014 Okay, so here is my take. If I have a relationship with someone and truly care about them, and I see them doing something harmful to themselves, then isn't it incumbent of me to let them know? Speaking the truth in love is much better than avoiding the issue. That relationship had better be rock solid. If I notice a stranger or a casual acquaintance who is carrying extra weight, I have no way of knowing if this is a result of bad food choices over time or the side-effects of certain medications to treat cancer. Unless we have a history together, I have no way of knowing whether this person is in the process of losing weight. What I can see will not tell me the whole story. And without knowing the background, my observations may be wrong. More importantly, I need to earn the right to comment before I make a comment about someone's weight (or about a personal grooming matter, a bad habit or a harmful behaviour.) This means taking a long time — possibly many years — building up a level of trust which will allow for this level of discussion. It's a process which cannot be rushed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Former member Posted July 16, 2014 Share #42 Posted July 16, 2014 That relationship had better be rock solid. If I notice a stranger or a casual acquaintance who is carrying extra weight, I have no way of knowing if this is a result of bad food choices over time or the side-effects of certain medications to treat cancer. Unless we have a history together, I have no way of knowing whether this person is in the process of losing weight. What I can see will not tell me the whole story. And without knowing the background, my observations may be wrong. More importantly, I need to earn the right to comment before I make a comment about someone's weight (or about a personal grooming matter, a bad habit or a harmful behaviour.) This means taking a long time — possibly many years — building up a level of trust which will allow for this level of discussion. It's a process which cannot be rushed.i agree with most of what you said, but why don't people see it the same way when calling people skinny? I work hard to keep my weigh up where it is now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted July 16, 2014 Share #43 Posted July 16, 2014 That relationship had better be rock solid. If I notice a stranger or a casual acquaintance who is carrying extra weight, I have no way of knowing if this is a result of bad food choices over time or the side-effects of certain medications to treat cancer. Unless we have a history together, I have no way of knowing whether this person is in the process of losing weight. What I can see will not tell me the whole story. And without knowing the background, my observations may be wrong. More importantly, I need to earn the right to comment before I make a comment about someone's weight (or about a personal grooming matter, a bad habit or a harmful behaviour.) This means taking a long time — possibly many years — building up a level of trust which will allow for this level of discussion. It's a process which cannot be rushed. You do not have to know their whole story. Just be empathetic, show concern. Get involved. Ask questions and get to know more of the story and then go from there. Small steps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Road Runner Posted July 16, 2014 Share #44 Posted July 16, 2014 We are going to bust ass on that 5 pounds, beotch! I've heard that violent scissoring is a good way to burn unwanted fat. Awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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