Happy St Patrick’s Day

[Parsnip Totin Jack ★]

Kevin O’Connor arrived home one afternoon. In the living room, His wife Kate is laying on the sofa with a cold compress on her forehead. Kevin says, “Kate, what’s the matter?” Kate replies, “Oh Kevin, tis poorly I’m feeling. I called the doctor and he said he’ll be by tomorrow but he wants a specimen and I don’t know what one is.” Kevin said, “Widow Murphy, upstairs I’ll bet she’ll know. Why don’t you ask her?” So Kate goes upstairs to see Widow Murphy and Kevin goes to the kitchen for a beer. A few minutes later there is a bang and crash in the hall outside their apartment. Kevin runs to the door, and finds KatE at the bottom of the stairs. “Katie, what happened?” Kate replied, “I asked Widow Murphy what a specimen was and she told me to piss in a bottle. I told her to shit in her hat and the fight was on.”

Slainte

[donkpow]

Dublin’s Patrick O’Shea called his lawyer and asked, “Is it true they are suin’ dem der cigarette companies for causin’ people to git cancer?”
“Yes, Patrick, sure is true,” responded the lawyer.

“And now someone is suin’ dem fast food restaurants for makin’ dem fat an’ cloggin’ their arteries with all dem der burgers an’ fries, is that true,?”
“Sure is, Patrick.”

“And that a lady sued McDonald’s for millions when she burned her tongue with that hot coffee that she ordered?”
“Yep.”

“And that a football player sued that university when he graduated and still couldn’t read?”
“That’s right,” said the lawyer.“But why are you asking?”

“Well, I was thinkin’ . . .

What I want to know is, can I sue Guinness for all dem ugly women It made me sleep with.

[MickinMD ★]

Two guys are sitting in a pub.

One turned to the other and asked, "Where are you from?"

"Dublin, Ireland," and the one replied, "Amazing, I'm from Dublin, too.  Let's drink to Dublin!"

So they did.

The other asked the one, "Where in Dublin did you live?"

"6th Street," and other replied, "Amazing, I lived on 6th Street, too. Let's drink to 6th Street!

So they did.

The one asked the other, "Where on 6th Street did you live?"

"123," and other replied, "Amazing, I lived on 123 6th Street, too. Let's drink to 123 6th Street, Dublin Ireland!

So they did and passed out.

The pub owner walked in and asked the bartender, "Many customers today?"

He answered, "Just the Sullivan twins."

[MickinMD ★]

My father and I, when someone in a room would fart, would say to each other, "Catch that and paint it green" and laugh.  No one knew what the inside joke was.  It's because we once shared this joke.

Pat and Mike are killed in an accident and go to Hell.

"Oh Divil," they said, "Please let us go live again!"

The Devil replied, "If you can think of something I can't do down here, I'll send you back to life."

Mike said, "Throw 100 tennis balls in the air at once and catch 'em before they hit the ground."

The Devil did it.

Pat said, "Drink 100 beers without peein'"

The Devil did it.

The two souls thought and thought until Pat farted.

Mike called out, "Catch that and paint it green!"

The two got to live again.

 

[MickinMD ★]

Speaking of Guinness, did you see the episode of Ballykissangel, the BBC Series set in Ireland, where a liquor salesman is trying to sell kegs of "dark beer" to tavern owner Assumpta Fitzgerald?

She turns him down and replies, "Only the tourists ever want to drink it and it's not tourist season."

The salesman ends up giving her the kegs to maintain the brewery's reputation.

I don't know how much that's really true throughout Ireland. A Reddit question asking "Do the Irish like Guinness pretty much unanimously, or is it like Budweiser in America?" had one really balanced answer:

I'm Irish and a craft beer lover. While Guinness in Ireland is comparable to Bud in the US by popularity, it has a better reputation then Bud does in the US. The general population view it as a genuinely great quality product, not exactly true considering its brewed with hop extracts. From a craft beer point of view Guinness and Diageo are seen as the enemy, in the past Guinness bought up and shut down nearly all of Irelands regional breweries creating virtually a monopoly. To this day Diageo's tactics are generally viewed with disdain from the craft beer community, being seen as predatory and occasionally underhanded. Personally I'll drink one if theres nothing else better, but it lacks the quality and flavour of its craft counterparts like O'Haras Stout or Trouble Brewing Dark Arts.

 

[Tizeye]

Top O the morn'n to you!

This was actually somewhere over Ireland as the sun first broke the horizon enroute to Europe

[12string]

An Irishman walks into a bar in Ireland orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.  

The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; wouldn't you rather I draw fresh pints for you one at a time?" The fellow replies: "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is now in America and the other, in Australia. When we all left home, we promised we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."  

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there. The fellow becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.  

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the regulars notice and fall silent, speculating about what might have happened to one of the absent brothers. When the fellow goes back to the bar for a second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The fellow looks confused for a moment and then a light dawns in his eye and says: "Oh, no, everyone's fine. You see, it's just that I've given up beer for Lent."  

[jsharr ★]

[jsharr ★]

[12string]

Starting to smell the Irish stew that's downstairs about done cooking!

Too bad I gave up beer for lent, brought home a real nice stout for the wives to go with (and in) the stew.  And my brothers won't share their beers.