Life probably wrong /wierd to many folks

[shootingstar]

So I figured out how to get dearie's birthday cake to him in another province....  will order online the little cake, his favourite sandwich, some chocolates from our favourite gourmet bakery.  Then I'll tell him to pickup the b-day takeout.  Then I'll hear about it when we chat...like we always do every evening. Or more often.

Probably sounds very weird to most forumites here.  Oh well. I actually think there are more couples who have temporary long-distance arrangements, because of job(s), than is believed. They just don't talk about it much because they are afraid of others judging. 

 

[JerrySTL ★]

Normal for us military types. Personally I never had a remote tour but a few long TDYs. WoJSTL and I were 1250 miles apart for two years while engaged. 

[shootingstar]

25 minutes ago, JerrySTL said:

Normal for us military types. Personally I never had a remote tour but a few long TDYs. WoJSTL and I were 1250 miles apart for two years while engaged. 

What probably makes it abit easier is that dearie's children were adult by time we were in different provinces. And I don't have any kids.

There was a point for lst time, his company decreed he had to move to prairies from Toronto or leave his job.  He was close to early retirement and that infuriated him. It was very hard personally since I was in Toronto with a job and home at the time. At that time, no Skype.   

So we already have some past experience with this. Probably he and I are kinda independent loners by nature anyway. 

I know of a guy with our present employer.  His family is in suburbs of Vancouver....2 adult kids by now, wife and his aging mother.  He's been doing this for over last 15 yrs. with a 2nd place in prairie city.  Now...for sure, I have a personal opinion when this arrangement involves children: children need their parent around often.  My father lived away for a yr. when I was 11 yrs. old.  There were 6 children. So me as eldest got pulled in for translation for mother, etc.

We all have our areas of personal strengths, some of it very different from one another and how we handle life  now and ahead.  

[maddmaxx ★]

I spent a year in Florida on a contract job consulting with Litton Laser Company, a division of Lockheed in Orlando.  Fortunately my deal involved flying home every other Friday evening and returning early Monday morning.  Womaxx didn't mind so long as I mailed my paycheck home and arrived every other week to mow the lawn in summer.

[shootingstar]

25 minutes ago, maddmaxx said:

I spent a year in Florida on a contract job consulting with Litton Laser Company, a division of Lockheed in Orlando.  Fortunately my deal involved flying home every other Friday evening and returning early Monday morning.  Womaxx didn't mind so long as I mailed my paycheck home and arrived every other week to mow the lawn in summer.

It sure depends on the nature of the marriage and the personalities of the partners. Right now, covid is making it hard and risky. So dearie and I are reducing flight/visit frequency at each of our respective locations.

I found out just 4 months ago, a work colleague's hubby with a major oil company, works up the oil sands in Northern Alberta (that's over 600 km. north) for a few wks., then comes home for a few wks. I've known her for past 2 yrs.....and I only found out now.  As I said, people don't want to talk much about long distance marriage with people whom they barely know.

Their only son is an adult...working in North Carolina and set to graduate from university this year.  I have no idea how long her hubby has been working like this....but it is common for oil industry where the work sites are in very remote/isolated areas and the money is good.

Also the former head of municipal govn't lived here in our city while his wife stayed in her job and living in their home southern Ontario.  he worked for our organization for over 5 years in of course, a high stress, high public profile job.

[sheep_herder ★]

We've spent long periods apart during our married life, and survived very well and really thought nothing weird about the situation.  I often worked elsewhere during the summers when we were in college in Colorado. After moving to Arizona from South Dakota, my wife and daughter returned to South Dakota, so my wife could finish her degree in Botany. I moved to Texas from Tucson several months before my wife and daughter could move, and we all survived very well. My wife and I moved together from Texas to Oregon, but we were apart several months when I moved to Montana, and she remained in Oregon until the place was sold.  During these moves, I bought two houses, one in Texas and one in Montana without my wife ever seeing either one.  She liked them both and approved of the way that I arranged the furniture, etc. You do what you have to do to make things work, and it is only weird, if you think it is.

[Dirtyhip]

We have never been apart like that. We are very close and even worked together for about 2 years.  We had adjoining desks for a while. That was fun.

when he was in school we were worried he would be accepted to another campus. Luckily, it all worked out 

[Zephyr]

We have been apart a lot due to work commitments.  On our first anniversary we had been apart for 9 1/2 of the 12 months.  4 weeks here, 5 weeks there...., it adds up.  It had  ot been that bad our whole married life, but normally there are a couple months a year we are apart.   What may seem abnormal to some is pretty standard for us.

[Dirtyhip]

To all of those that have been apart, your true love endures.

we have just been lucky to be together so much. When he was in school was the most time we had apart, but he still lived here with me. It was just a stressful time and he was very busy 

[MoseySusan]

What kind of cake?

[ChrisL]

My wife & I spent much of the first 3 years of our relationship apart.  After an initial 7 months together we spent the next 2.5 years on separate coasts.  

We had a few birthdays & holidays apart and spent a lot of time on the phone early on.  

Based on the responses your situation isn’t really all that odd.

 

[maddmaxx ★]

Nobody has mentioned the number of separations that service in the military brings routinely.

[shootingstar]

8 hours ago, roadsue said:

What kind of cake?

It might have hazelnut inside it or maybe a sourcherry pistachio.  Lots to mull over. 

[shootingstar]

2 hours ago, maddmaxx said:

Nobody has mentioned the number of separations that service in the military brings routinely.

I'm not suggesting it's the most wonderful thing.  It's just a reality for a certain time..

[MoseySusan]

2 hours ago, shootingstar said:

It might have hazelnut inside it or maybe a sourcherry pistachio.  Lots to mull over. 

Yum. What kind of sponge, though. 

[Wilbur ★]

I have honestly, never really thought about being judged by my work life.  I did 3 years in Edmonton while the family was in Toronto and got home for 4-5 days per month.   I also have more than 8 years worth of hotel stays and some extended tours that lasted 6 months.  

It isn't easy.  You just have to make sure you are available to the family while not with them.  Communication is key.   What did friends or neighbours think?  Je me give a shit pas!   

[shootingstar]

4 hours ago, Wilbur said:

I have honestly, never really thought about being judged by my work life.  I did 3 years in Edmonton while the family was in Toronto and got home for 4-5 days per month.   I also have more than 8 years worth of hotel stays and some extended tours that lasted 6 months.  

It isn't easy.  You just have to make sure you are available to the family while not with them.  Communication is key.   What did friends or neighbours think?  Je me give a shit pas!   

All my good friends understand and have met dearie.

I did have some comments from work colleagues...wondering why I went to Vancouver.  ie.  "I couldn't do that.", meaning do what dearie and I do long distance temporarily.  Sort of ie. they would be freaked out.

[sheep_herder ★]

32 minutes ago, shootingstar said:

All my good friends understand and have met dearie.

I did have some comments from work colleagues...wondering why I went to Vancouver.  ie.  "I couldn't do that.", meaning do what dearie and I do long distance temporarily.  Sort of ie. they would be freaked out.

Over the years, I've had folks comment about the times my wife has been away on holidays, bird watching, photographing, business, etc. for extended periods.  I always responded to comments, like "She's gone again." by asking them what I should do, "Tell her she could not go." That usually shut them up for the time being. Really, if it works, it's really nobody's business but yours.