Initially physically attracted to your partner?

[shootingstar]

A psychologist who does annual surveys has found 49% of people who fell in love (and coupled), initially was not physically attracted to their partner.  It's alot higher than I thought.

I guess love, sex took some time. 

The Dating Brain in the Digital Age - Chasing Life with Dr. Sanjay Gupta - Podcast on CNN Audio   Podcast takes time to listen.  The pyschologist researcher also said the top desired characteristic people wanted in their mate was (same top answer every yr.):  respect. Then:  2: trust  

She also said millennials and GenZ are smarter generations about love: they take longer...to marry/have children. ie. Having children in their 30's. etc.

[shootingstar]

Ok, since clearly this might be a sensitive topic, then I'll give my "experience":

I was initially attracted physically to dearie, though we barely knew each other during computer repair class that we took.  Finally we went on coffee-donut date after last class.  Talk about ho-hum beginnings.   I didn't know his background until donut shop, etc. I guess I was incredibly lucky.

[JerrySTL ★]

I was a twenty-year-old male. I was initially physically attracted to almost any female. Fortunately for me, WoJSTL also had the brains and personality to make it stick.

[ChrisL]

Oh I think I was part of the 51%!  We were set up by a mutual friend but neither of us knew it at the time.  I was immediately smitten by her but I was also pretty drunk too so who knows, maybe it was the alcohol! 😂  I think it took her a bit longer for the physical attraction but our personalities clicked from the get go. 

[Further]

Hell of a thing when the beer googles are still working in the morning

[Wilbur ★]

"Men" today are very different than my generation.   In my day, lack of physical attraction was a non-starter. 

[shootingstar]

39 minutes ago, Wilbur said:

"Men" today are very different than my generation.   In my day, lack of physical attraction was a non-starter. 

So what do you think they are prioritizing in first dates, etc.?  After all, you have 2 daughters...not that a father knows everything. 

Methinks the 50% divorce rate has/continues to affect younger generations in terms how they might approach coupledom somewhat differently.

[Wilbur ★]

3 minutes ago, shootingstar said:

So what do you think they are prioritizing in first dates, etc.?  After all, you have 2 daughters...not that a father knows everything. 

Methinks the 50% divorce rate has/continues to affect younger generations in terms how they might approach coupledom differently.

Common interests is a big contributor to attraction.  I also think radical feminism in the form of the "me too, believe all women" mantras have shaped their approach to dating.  In the young couples I know, the women are the stronger of the two in emotion and maturity.  It may also be that the affordability of life is slowing their aspirations as well. 

[shootingstar]

1 hour ago, Wilbur said:

Common interests is a big contributor to attraction.  I also think radical feminism in the form of the "me too, believe all women" mantras have shaped their approach to dating.  In the young couples I know, the women are the stronger of the two in emotion and maturity.  It may also be that the affordability of life is slowing their aspirations as well. 

Anecdotally I'm certain others here, can look back and overall remember that enough older teen girls often were 1 step ahead emotionally.  Then the boys catch up.

Wilbur...I honestly believe in my class, it was the "quieter" but bright teen older boys, who were often more mature than the frat /ego type peers. For sure, in looking at my graduating class of high school, it was predominantly boys that were both quiet or respectful PLUS bright, who did well in life...meaning jobs, education and career advancement. I don't know all their personal/family life successes afterwards.

1 of the teen jocks in my class, who was smart...he landed in court for sexual assault. I read the court case, involving teens girls in hot tub, etc.  He would have been in his early 40's at that time. 

[sheep_herder ★]

It taxes my mind to see how one deciphers respect and trust on the first date. One needs a bit more information on the relationship prior to the first date to accept these data. We can give all kinds of examples of things we have experienced, but one needs to remember you are dealing with a very small data set. In addition this data set may be biased based upon previous experiences in life. This is true of many things discussed on this forum, as children and nieces and nephews make up a very small and possibly biased data set relative to the real world. Just my opinion!

By the way, I thought my wife was good looking, and she liked my Texas accent. Took a while visiting in Botany lab, before she would give me the time of day, but I was persistent. Our dating did not have a positive effect on our grades. We dropped out, got married, and returned to finish our degrees. How's that for a small sample?

[shootingstar]

19 minutes ago, sheep_herder said:

It taxes my mind to see how one deciphers respect and trust on the first date. One needs a bit more information on the relationship prior to the first date to accept these data. We can give all kinds of examples of things we have experienced, but one needs to remember you are dealing with a very small data set. In addition this data set may be biased based upon previous experiences in life. This is true of many things discussed on this forum, as children and nieces and nephews make up a very small and possibly biased data set relative to the real world. Just my opinion!

So important on deciphering respect and trust. Methinks it takes several meet-ups, though sometimes a person's gut feeling if it persists over several meet-ups, it can help at times.  Course if chemistry it's wrong, nothing much can be done and bye-bye.

[maddmaxx ★]

I met my future wife in a diner where she was a waitress.  I stayed all day drinking coffee and chatting her up.  I probably didn't sleep for 3 days.  I was going to get discharged soon and I was sort of interviewing with a dragster team based out of the building next door.  The crew chief was the president of the Hartford CT Hells Angels an womaxx was only 18 and he treated her like his little sister.  There was sexual attraction moderated by fear.  

[MoseySusan]

mr and I liked each other from the start. We met in March, get engaged in May, married in August, and have been married for going on 32 years. 

[groupw]

The attraction was mutual with her maybe a little more attracted than me. There was another girl in our circle of friends I was interested in, but she was chasing someone else. 
A mutual friend asked if I would take future WoW and her on a double-date with another guy who was pursuing her. Things did not go well for the other girl and we left the other guy early. We took her home then I took WoW to her parents. We started dating, but it was not exclusive for a few months. Eventually it was exclusive and we married about a year later. 
Funny thing. The girl I had initially been chasing was a coworker of WoW. WoW was very close to delivering our first child at the time of their company Christmas party. She loved to dance the slow dances together but was not comfortable on faster songs. The other girl asked WoW if it would be ok for us to dance together. There were jokes about my “2 dates” that night. We all sat together with a big group, but I can tell you the song where I saw her realize she should have given me a chance. 
in hindsight, things worked out for the best. 

[Dottleshead ★]

when I met my wife, we were both on hard times.  I viewed myself as not real good dating material at the time but it turns out she wasn't too baggage free herself.  We more or less hit it off out of what I expect was initially emotional needs but it was clear we were really good together and I knew if we could make it then (in the worst of times), it'd be good later when the dirt was cleaned.  Good thing I was right because we make a great couple.  We are best friends and see the world 85% similar.  In my view anytime you can find someone w/ 75% of yourself -- you hold on to them.

Oh yeah, about the physical attraction -- it was there but for me -- it was not the first thing though it wasn't because I didn't think she wasn't attractive.  That's probably why it works so well now. The other stuff came first.

[Dottleshead ★]

8 hours ago, JerrySTL said:

I was a twenty-year-old male. I was initially physically attracted to almost any female.

Honesty...

[Zealot]

I met Mrs Z when we were kids in high school. I developed a friendship with her. I remember standing in the back of the church one day talking with her and and a couple other kids. I noticed her legs and thought, “wow, she has really nice legs.” We played tennis a lot. After about a year or so our relationship turned romantic. I asked her to go steady with me 41 years ago. And we’ve been married for 38. 

 

 

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