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... my tumor is benign and the fracture is healing perfectly. Jury still out on whether they will watch the tumor or remove it. Bad news--- this doesn't explain the joint pain. Who cares, I'll take it. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

This is from another board that is an evergreen story. This is from a car salesman & owner of a car lot. He died this year but was a wacky guy Anthony Martinez takes delivery of a 1995 Honda Accord from me. Anthony is a 24 year old construction worker who is highly undereducated. Anthony was a first time buyer, and the bank required him to provide the bank proof of income, proof of residence, and the names, addresses, and phone numbers of 5 people that he knew. I informed Anthony of these requirements, and he brought me a paycheck stub over 3 months old. His proof of residence was a letter addresses to “Occupant” at his address. He provided 6 names and phone numbers including his 4 year old daughter! I explained to him that it wasn’t exactly what I had told him to bring. He explained that it was what he could find laying around. The next day, I take the $8000 contract to the bank. Normally, I drop the contract off, go have lunch, and when I return, the check is ready. Not this time. The paycheck stub is wrong, the proof of residence is wrong, the references are wrong. I have to get the right stuff before the bank will pay me. I call Anthony’s house, and mom answers. “I need to speak to Anthony” “He is on a construction job in Monroe. He won’t be home until next Saturday” “Can’t you reach him?!?!?” “Nope” “I call his work, which turns out to be a construction company run off of a guy’s kitchen table. I get the wife on the phone. Kids crying and fighting in the background. She says she has no way to reach anybody. Hmm. So I wait a week, and call Anthony again. I left so many messages over the next weekend, the message machine filled up! I call the work, the wife is starting to get mad at me. The parents are furious with me. ‘What does the bank need that info for? Its none of their business!’ “Oh yes it is.” 3 weeks goes by. The wife of construction guy hands up when she hears my voice. Mom and Dad MF every time I call. December 22nd. My banker calls me, and tells me that they are closing the 24th and 25th. If Anthony doesn’t get those documents to them by the close of business on the 23rd, the loan is off. Keep in mind, I have $2000 of Anthony’s money, and his $1000 trade in with a title. He has MY car, and the bank has a contract worth $8000 of MY money! I call the house one more time, and Anthony answers the phone! Praise be. He gives me a ration for calling everybody, I explain that I want my $8000 and the only way for me to get it is for him to provide me the documents I need to cash the contract. I tell him to just fax them over, but he says he will be in Tacoma the next day, and he will drop them off himself. I explain that if he doesn’t, he doesn’t have a car loan. Next day at 5, my banker calls me and says Anthony didn’t show, and the loan approval is null and void. My next phone call is to Stevie Rey. Stevie Rey is my repo man, and that is a complete story in itself. Stevie was a physics prof at U of W, and evidently flipped out one day and quit to start a repo company! Stevie could sit down with you and explain the Theory of Relativity in terms a layman could understand, but he probably couldn’t find his ass with both hands on a bet. “Stevie, I need you to pick up a car, but I don’t know what to tell you. This kid hasn’t been around for a month and I don’t know when he will be home” ‘I know when he’ll be home” “How? Are you Kreskin or something?’ ‘EVERYBODY is home on Christmas” “Oh man Stevie. I HATE for you to repo a car on Christmas, but if that is the only time you can get it, go ahead. But wear a Santa suit and bring me a picture of you repoing the car wearing it, and I will pay you an extra $20’ (I THOUGHT he realized I was kidding” I pull into work the day after Christmas, and there is a cop car in my parking lot. I walk inside, and there is Anthony and his dad sitting on the couch looking very pissed. There is a bog ol Auburn police sergeant standing over them, and my 65 year old salesman over in the corner shaking with fear. Evidently Anthony and his dad came in breathing fire and started threatening him, and he called the cops. The policeman told me that they wanted to talk to me, and did he need to hang around while they did. I said no, I had been down this road before, and there was no need. I brought them into my office and started the canned speech I gave very person who I had to repo. I hated to repo your car. Nobody wins. You don’t get to buy a car, I don’t get to sell one, they bank doesn’t get to make a loan, and.. Off the chair and 2 inches from my nose comes Anthony, ‘WHAT KIND OG MOTHERF@CKER WOULD SEND SOMEONE TO MY HOUSE ON CHRISTAMAS DAY DRESSED LIKE SANTA CLAUS TO REPO MY CAR?!?!?!? My jaw hit’s the floor. I am thinking “Stevie Rey, I am going to kill you!” I manage to make it through that exchange, and then I try to put the deal back together. “Anthony, if you have those documents, I may be able to get your car back to you” ‘I WOULDN’T BUY A CAR HERE IF IT WAS THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH!” Obviously, Anthony is upset! I start talking to him again., and here he comes over the desk again. ‘MY DAUGHTER WAS OPENING UP HER PRESENTS, AND SHE LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW AND SAID “DADDY! SANTA CLAUS IS TAKING OUR CAR!” Intuitively, I knew that if I started laughing, that this kid, all 5’6” and 135 pounds of him, was going to kill me. I was literally gripping the edge of the desk so hard my fingers went numb. I was doing my very best to deep breathe because every fiber of my being was screaming to laugh out loud at the visual I was getting in my head. Anthony was now so freakin’ mad that his dad has his arms around his waist and was holding him back from coming over the desk. I was sitting there semi-stunned still trying to recover from what I perceived as me ruining this 4 year old girls present and future Christmases. I am sure she was scarred for life. The went out the front door calling me every name in the book ans some that not even I had heard before. Half hour later, a tow truck pulls into the lot. I go outside and there is Stevie with the Honda in tow. Are you out of your ever lovin’ mind?” I asked him His reply was to pull out a Polaroid of him in yes, a Santa suit, hooking a chain to the Honda, and waving. I paid him the extra $20. I will spare you the phone call I got from the DMV investigator on Monday, but suffice it to say, he wasn’t going to issue a cease and desist order that Anthony demanded for “unethical business practices” Flash forward to February 11th, 2001. I have a similar situation with a woman and a van in Gig Harbor. I call Stevie and tell him to go pick it up. Steveie asks me ‘Can this wait until Monday?” “Stevie, I don’t think so. I think she is getting ready to bolt this weekend. Why, got a hot date or something?” “Nope, just got a new Abe Lincoln outfit I have been dying to wear” It dawned on me right them that Monday was President’s Day. I told Stevie exactly where he could put the Abe Lincoln outfit.

Three year old granddaughter came out of the bedroom yesterday like this.

I think that one is jsharr. He is always confused.

Today an unsolicited package arrived at my workplace, addressed to me. The return address created a wave of trepidation to the core of my soul; there was no predicting what was inside that box. Warily, I cut the sealing tape and cautiously peered inside. No alien-like larva sprang out at me. So far so good. Inside I found a festive rectangular metal tin decorated with a red ribbon bow and another box wrapped in Christmas gift paper. The tin was sealed with transparent tape - not duct tape. I took encouragement that whatever was inside the tin was weak enough that ordinary tape would restrain it, so I ventured forthwith. Cutting the tape I opened the top - and, not kidding here - with the opening directed away from me in case flames, fumes, conflagration, pestilence, famine, death, or worse, Justin Bieber leaped out of the box. My caution was entirely necessary, for inside I found: You may think the contents seem somewhat depleted, and indeed they are. Between the time I opened the tin and when this picture was taken, a significant quantity of these delicious consumables were ingested to the delight of the ingestee! (me). We have a couple people in the office who have an uncanny ability to sense home baked goods, and soon they came lurking about. I beat them back to their cubicles with an expertly wielded slide rude, and proceeded to lash them furiously with the cord of a serial mouse to reinforce the lesson. Back, back, you knaves! NO COOKIES FOR YOU! The second package presented the dilemma. Wrapped in gift paper, should I wait until Christmas or open it now? Tradition, good manners, and my present status on Santa's naughty list demanded that I wait. But... There could be something inside that might spoil if not opened immediately. I decided to damn the torpedoes (and the consequences), full speed ahead! Underneath the wrapping I found: I am presently reading The Making of The Atomic Bomb which only briefly mentions the mission covered by this book. But the ending isn't spoiled, if you will, because my current read only made the briefest mention of the result and essentially no details of how it came about. The mission was accomplished against near-impossible odds by very few people facing a heavily guarded installation, and a fair number of those people were civilians besides. This will be a good read! I do have to admit I don't know what I did to deserve such largess. I can't think of one thing I may have done that warranted such gifts - and seriously - truly delightful ones at that. I would mention the name of the person to whom I feel indebted, but doing so might ruin his reputation as a bitter old bastard and expose him as a true ray of sunshine among us. And so, he shall go unnamed and I shall leave the Forum to guess his identity. But he knows who he is, and I also suspect he knows how much I appreciate his thoughtfulness and kindness.

Ok, I went to a pre-K openhouse this morning for RO, she can enroll in pre-kindergarten the next school year. Holy hell, MILF overload! Bunches of attractive ladies, I sincerely hope that they looked at me like a piece of candy wrapped in a piece of meat! Another one tomorrow at 9:30, I don't think I am going to wear pants.

Running is why bicycles.

Today an unsolicited package arrived at my workplace, addressed to me. The return address created a wave of trepidation to the core of my soul; there was no predicting what was inside that box. Warily, I cut the sealing tape and cautiously peered inside. No alien-like larva sprang out at me. So far so good. Inside I found a festive rectangular metal tin decorated with a red ribbon bow and another box wrapped in Christmas gift paper. The tin was sealed with transparent tape - not duct tape. I took encouragement that whatever was inside the tin was weak enough that ordinary tape would restrain it, so I ventured forthwith. Cutting the tape I opened the top - and, not kidding here - with the opening directed away from me in case flames, fumes, conflagration, pestilence, famine, death, or worse, Justin Bieber leaped out of the box. My caution was entirely necessary, for inside I found: The parts to build my new Parody Meter Calibrator. Thanks @jsharr , you shouldn't have.

I thought you were going to suggest he switch to a different theme.

After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been fired after one minor indiscretion and I think it's outrageous . He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession that he loves.What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant veterinarian..

I smashed all the lights. SW sent me a bill for $15.

I was having a rather rotten day at work, but this post turned my mood around completely!!! Wonderful!

So you studied for your test, then?

If you'd kept the beard, would that be considered "wussed in"?

.....you're just begging for RG to post a parrot-y thread titled "Reverse Cowgirl" aren't you?

No vibes, but a definitely disproportionately inappropriately long hug. We love you, Aire.

"Saeco, make me some coffee!" "I'm sorry, SW, but I'm afraid I can't do that."

I remember gathering around the lighted Christmas tree with my brothers and sister, singing carols while mom and dad were out shopping. Every Christmas feels amazing to me.

There's no DILF acronym. For a reason.

Here I thought you were going to get this funky egg cooking machine...

...if only we had had the good sense to let Lucas make all electrical and electronical stuff, this technology addiction would have been nipped in the bud.

Luckily we have a couple of jars of this.

Duh, Most Interesting Lady Friend.

I would get this one.

I did, but I took penicillin and got rid of it.

...and I know somebody who just got a swell new one. It's almost a crime for someone with a custom Waterford bicycle cycle to spend time doing something besides riding it.

And replace them with oil lamps and candles. Greatly reduces the chance of an electrical fire related to illumination.

I never knew those guys' names. Is Mr. Tapp the one holding the fork or the scythe? well, RIP either way. Those old reruns are corny as hell but I still enjoy them.... we used to watch them with our dad when we were little.

These things may be exciting, but they give me a headache. Maybe I am getting OLD!! About the closest I get to this type of thing is when I use the key fob to make the lights blink and horn honk when some person is walking by my car when I am staying in a motel.

Finally, an honest answer. Thank you.

Not sure I can explain it to someone who doesn't have the gift. But I can tell you that when the blue smoke escapes, nothing works.

The Moro Islamic Liberation Front. They're all tired of being single.

At least that's how Canadian Urban Dictionary defines it.

HEY! The homeless are people too, y'know.

Mine is from the mid 60s when my wife, daughter born in '64 and I lived in an 8'x43' trailer in Fort Collins, CO. Yes, we always had a Christmas tree during those years. One year our daughter wanted a bean bag chair, and we obliged. I forget where it was stored, but after she had gone to sleep on Christmas eve we brought the bean bag chair into the house. We noticed right away that it appeared to be over stuffed and would not be too comfortable for sitting and lounging, so I began to unload some of the styrofoam beads from the chair. Remember we are in Colorado in the winter, where the humidity is very low, and static electricity is prevalent. Not long into the process, the beads began to stick to everything outside of the chair, people included. We were concerned that our laughing would wake our daughter, but she slept through all the commotion. We finally got things back in order, caught a few winks, and awoke for a Merry Christmas day. She was happy with the chair, but she was a special person, and would not have complained even if disappointed in a gift.

Wow! I used to go to Alaska for work and once had to go there in February. I spent 3 days in the cold and on the last day two of my employees dropped me off at the airport. One hands the other a $20 when I got out of the car. I wondered what that was about so when I got back I called the guy and asked if they had a bet on me or something. Oh yeah, since you are from SoCal we had a running bet on how long it would take you to bust your ass on the ice. You never fell so I won the bet!!!!

Great News....Now for the joint pain....have you tried all the supplements mentioned in the thread that started..was it last week? And I think Page is correct...you need to ride your bike instead of running for your drug of choice

When I was doing carpentry, I had to save half of the nails for the other end of the house.

Those guys sure dick around a lot.

No matter how perverted Kzoo is, you shouldn't refer to him as a "donkey".

If it was a cat I can understand the problem.

I did not know @Kzoo was a veterinarian. How is the donkey doing?

A couple years back a channel called "RFD TV" showed Hee Haw reruns at 8:30 Sunday nights, followed by the Marty Stuart show. I kind of got used to wrapping up the weekend with those two, but then they took that channel away. ah well.

Best of luck, we'll keep you in thoughts and prayers.

He is saving those for the slot machines.... oh, never mind.