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Tough Love...


ChrisL
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Parenting drama....

So my son worked a summer job and we asked him to save a grand of his earnings for the Spring Semester expenses.  We also gave him $50 for a physical about a month ago as we don't mind paying for some of the expenses.  So....

Yesterday evening we get a text, I need $50 for my physical. It's due tomorrow or I'm going to get kicked off the team. Our response... Sucks for you, better cough up $50 then.  Of course he didn't have it, blew through all of his money and we are the bad guys for not giving him money for a physical.  W told him, we gave you money for a physical, not my problem if you spent it. Now we are jerks for not caring if he gets kicked off the team but we refused to give him more money....  

His 19 YO brain doesn't get it's not about the money but the principle and dealing with the consequences of his actions.  We gave him the money, he blew it (and the rest of the money we told him to save) and now he has to figure it out on his own. 

I sure hope that kid figures it out.  

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Yep.  My oldest goes to a private school where my wife works (staff scholarships are nice!).  It is a great place for him, but it means I drive him to school each day, as wife has to leave early to be there.

My go time is 7:45 AM.  That used to be a suggestion.  It is now a firm line in the sand.  A few weeks back, he got left home as he was still in the shower.  Today, I was in on the driveway and garage door was closing when he came out of the house.

He does not understand that I need to be in the office before 8:30 every day.

Good job on the tough love Chris.

 

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Just give him the $50 already.

You see, the problem isn't him, he is 19 years old.  The problem here is you, expecting someone of that age to have even an ounce of common sense or the ability to plan and save.  None of this stuff will stick until he is out in the real world continually and gets battered about the head with it every single day.  Sure, some exceptionally gifted 19 year-olds will get it, but most won't.  Maybe you will accelerate this process for him, but again, at 19 years old in this day and age, I wouldn't expect it.

 

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Ain't gonna happen.  Apparently he got the money somewhere and knocked out the physical.... He has a friend who's mom's car died and they can't afford another.  He drives them to the grocery store & such on weekends (of course we pay his gas...) Anyway he was at their house last night, I'm guessing his mom hooked him up or he isn't as broke as he claims....

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1 hour ago, Randomguy said:

Just give him the $50 already.

You see, the problem isn't him, he is 19 years old.  The problem here is you, expecting someone of that age to have even an ounce of common sense or the ability to plan and save.  None of this stuff will stick until he is out in the real world continually and gets battered about the head with it every single day.  Sure, some exceptionally gifted 19 year-olds will get it, but most won't.  Maybe you will accelerate this process for him, but again, at 19 years old in this day and age, I wouldn't expect it.

 

I can tell you don't have any kids. Just Random Offspring.

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You're such a hardass!

So was I - and yes they do figure it out. Sometimes earlier than you might think.

When my son was little, we were trying to get him out the door for something and he was dragging ass, as kids are wont to do. In her exasperation, his mother threatened to leave him home. This was not at all inspirational. She said "Don't you believe I would leave you here?" He said "Well, he would, <points at me> but you wouldn't."

Later on, his mother was trying to get him to get his driver's license and he was being a butthead about it. She said to me "YOU tell him!" I did. He said "Ok" and we went and got his permit the next day.

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17 minutes ago, Indy said:

Ugh, isn't he in college?  I never had to pay anything for sports in college, hell, they even paid for half my education.

Yeah JC... He could've gone to the on campus clinic had he planned ahead and scheduled an appointment.  He put it off so had to go to our GP.  

Very few baseball players are offered scholarships.  Most are given an opportunity to keep playing at their own expense....

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1 minute ago, ChrisL said:

Yeah JC... He could've gone to the on campus clinic had he planned ahead and scheduled an appointment.  He put it off so had to go to our GP.  

Very few baseball players are offered scholarships.  Most are given an opportunity to keep playing at their own expense....

He shoulda played basketball, one & done; got your house paid off and a new Lambo in the driveway courtesy of Adidas, et.al.

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2 minutes ago, ChrisL said:

Yeah JC... He could've gone to the on campus clinic had he planned ahead and scheduled an appointment.  He put it off so had to go to our GP.  

Very few baseball players are offered scholarships.  Most are given an opportunity to keep playing at their own expense....

Okay, JC, that makes sense.

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Just now, ChrisL said:

He was offered a roster spot at a local D3 and an NAIA school but same applied, no scholorships, just a guaranteed roster spot... 

D3 doesn't surprise me, my nephew did D3 football for a semester, got hurt and decided it was stupid to basically play to pay football, plus the school was expensive and he didn't get anything to help.

NAIA gives full scholarships for far more than I realized, so that one surprises me a little bit.  A lot of them are full ride for football.

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15 minutes ago, Indy said:

D3 doesn't surprise me, my nephew did D3 football for a semester, got hurt and decided it was stupid to basically play to pay football, plus the school was expensive and he didn't get anything to help.

NAIA gives full scholarships for far more than I realized, so that one surprises me a little bit.  A lot of them are full ride for football.

We keep in touchbwith about 10 of his HS and Travel Ball buddies and none of them are on scholorships.  One is at a D1, the rest are D3 or NAIA.  We were told to expect to pay to play...

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1 hour ago, ChrisL said:

We keep in touchbwith about 10 of his HS and Travel Ball buddies and none of them are on scholorships.  One is at a D1, the rest are D3 or NAIA.  We were told to expect to pay to play...

Yeah, I'm not familiar with the baseball world.  Just surprised.

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7 hours ago, ChrisL said:

Sucks for you, better cough up $50 then.

You are both terrible parents, because you just forced him to become a gigolo to get the money he needs.

Once he discovers how easy the money is, he'll never work at an honest job again.

Yeah, you both are gonna be real  sorry you didn't give him the $50.

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9 minutes ago, Thaddeus Kosciuszko said:

You are both terrible parents, because you just forced him to become a gigolo to get the money he needs.

Once he discovers how easy the money is, he'll never work at an honest job again.

Yeah, you both are gonna be real  sorry you didn't give him the $50.

Well to be fair we did give him the $50. We refused after he blew it and wanted another $50 And waited until the last afternoon to do it....  He probably could be a gigolo, he said the middle aged nurse was flirting with him during the physical.

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12 minutes ago, Scrapr said:

Even at the D1 level it is 11.8 (?) schollys for the entire 25-30 players. Figure 1 or 2 are 3/4 of full and the rest get not much for baseball

Family friend played D1 in the MAC conf.  I thought they had 13.  He got half a ride.

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13 minutes ago, Scrapr said:

Even at the D1 level it is 11.8 (?) schollys for the entire 25-30 players. Figure 1 or 2 are 3/4 of full and the rest get not much for baseball

Yes, but physical would be handled by the training staff at D1 level.  While you aren't going to be on scholarship, you aren't going to be paying to play either.

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Just now, Kzoo said:

Family friend played D1 in the MAC conf.  I thought they had 13.  He got half a ride.

No clue, I know where I swam, we only had 2 for the men's team, I had half a ride.

 

Probably part of the reason I got a long with the girls on the team far better than the other guys. 

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2 hours ago, ChrisL said:

Well to be fair we did give him the $50. We refused after he blew it and wanted another $50

Fairness has nothing to do with it!  Your reasoned and sensible approach falls to dust as it comes up against the emotional needs of your child on his journey towards true self-esteem!  All those years and years of enlightened lessons, inculcated by the arduous effort of receiving participation trophy after participation trophy!  All lost, in an instant, no less!  

You might as well learn the lyrics, because this could well become your son's theme song unless you mend your ways...

 

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3 hours ago, Indy said:

Yes, but physical would be handled by the training staff at D1 level.  While you aren't going to be on scholarship, you aren't going to be paying to play either.

The players have to pick up the balance of the tuition. I'd bet most got books paid for. If you are out of state then tuition is $$$. Nephew  of one of our builders is playing D1. While he is a Senior he has 1 more year of eligibility. So he told Mom & Dad he wanted to play one more year. They almost cried. LOL. They go to every game home & away. Last year he ended up in the College World Series

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Remember besides football baseball carries the most athletes at 30-35 ON the team.  They may get 3 or 4 scholorships which then get divvied up.   We went to many recruiting seminars and they were pretty clear that especially in the sun belt states, just being offered a roster spot is huge.  

I think I mentioned that about 150 kids showed up over the summer to play JUCO ball and they carry no more than 35.  A lot of talented kids got sent home...

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19 hours ago, jsharr said:

Yep.  My oldest goes to a private school where my wife works (staff scholarships are nice!).  It is a great place for him, but it means I drive him to school each day, as wife has to leave early to be there.

My go time is 7:45 AM.  That used to be a suggestion.  It is now a firm line in the sand.  A few weeks back, he got left home as he was still in the shower.  Today, I was in on the driveway and garage door was closing when he came out of the house.

He does not understand that I need to be in the office before 8:30 every day.

Good job on the tough love Chris.

 

Oh for Pete's sake buy him a car to commute.  You're not paying tuition. 

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