Advice Needed

[ChrisL]

I work in an office again after being home officer for 7 years.  Much of the 10 years prior to that I was the top dog in the office so had little interaction with staff other than work related issues.

I'm the Corporate Training & Safety Manager now and work closely with the Corporate Risk Manager who is my peer on an org chart. This woman is about 5 years older than me but comes from a large corporate environment and is having difficulty adjusting to a small family run business.

So this woman calls me several times a day and comes to my cube several times a day to talk.  If she hears me talking to someone else will come over and interject.  My god the woman is driving me frigging nuts.  I've been blowing her off when she comes to my cube and stay focused on my screen and don't turn.  This has prompted the numerous calls.  

 

As we both report to the owner I don't want to tattle on her but am trying to figure out how to keep her out of my hair without causing a scene with her.  She seems like the type that will get butt hurt if I just tell her flat out she's taking up too much of my time withbidle chat...

I need forum advice on getting her out of my hair....

[Chris...]

Is she hot

[AirwickWithCheese]

Well, the ignoring hasn't worked and you really don't want the showdown. 

So, when she asks you a question, you ask, What do you think or what would you do? Then unless it's insanity and obviously wrong, build her up. "That's brilliant, much better than what I could have come up with."

This and many variations of the same thing. It's what we do with Wheel's lame ass threads, a few scattered likes on occasion can save a lot of heartache and time.  

 

[maddmaxx ★]

Do you have a pet office spider yet in an aquarium........a largish one, all furry?  That might do it.  If not she may be invincible.

 

 Was that good advice?

[Caretaker]

Asexual harassment?

[ChrisL]

8 minutes ago, Chris... said:

Is she hot

No...

[ChrisL]

5 minutes ago, maddmaxx said:

Do you have a pet office spider yet in an aquarium........a largish one, all furry?  That might do it.  If not she may be invincible.

 

 Was that good advice?

Yeah maybe ill get a pet rattlesnake!

[Kzoo]

Suck it up buttercup - it's office life.  

Actually I have a guy here that likes to wrestle his way into my visitors chair.  I give him a few minutes focusing on him (to make him think I care) and then have one of several excuses (meeting, restroom, have to get this email out....).  The difference is in my case it's only about once - maybe twice a day.  Several times a day and I would strangle him.

[ChrisL]

3 minutes ago, Caretaker said:

Asexual harassment?

Not sure how it works in Ireland but Sexual Harassment isn't gender based here. It could be male to female, female to male and within the same gender.... She's not hitting on me, just ranting about stupid sheot.

[Caretaker]

2 minutes ago, ChrisL said:

Not sure how it works in Ireland but Sexual Harassment isn't gender based here. It could be male to female, female to male and within the same gender.... She's not hitting on me, just ranting about stupid sheot.

Dat's why I called it 'asexual'.

[Randomguy]

Nevermind.  Just kill her.

[AirwickWithCheese]

1 minute ago, Randomguy said:

Nevermind.  

No, your other answer was wrong but better. 

Move your office next to hers and cut an arched entranceway into the wall that you share. Turn her office into a lovely oasis with floral carpet, plants, and a nice indoor fountain. 

Muzak and a pie shelf would also be nice. 

[ChrisL]

1 minute ago, AirwickWithCheese said:

No, your other answer was wrong but better. 

Move your office next to hers and cut an arched entranceway into the wall that you share. Turn her office into a lovely oasis with floral carpet, plants, and a nice indoor fountain. 

Muzak and a pie shelf would also be nice. 

That is exactly what I'll do!  SW Forums comes through again!

[2Far ★]

"I'm sorry Gladys, I have a couple things that I really need to get done right away"

"I'm sorry Gladys, I can't talk right now."

Ask A Manager

[Longjohn ★]

The ability to fart on command might come in handy.

[ChrisL]

Just now, Longjohn said:

The ability to fart on command might come in handy.

Yeah but then I'd blow out my neighbors and I actually like them.

[Chris...]

is she religious? If not tell her you can help her find salvation. That would get rid of me in a hurry

[UglyBob]

When my wife was stuck in cubeville with no door, she had a length of "Police Line - Do No Cross" tape she would put across the opening when she didn't want to be disturbed. I have a whole roll if you need it. 

[BuffJim]

1 hour ago, Randomguy said:

Nevermind.  Just kill her.

Most companies have policies restricting this.  Maybe since it's a mom and pop shop, they don't.

[BuffJim]

I've had a couple people where I had to institute a "No walking behind my desk. That always creeped me out."

Do you have a rescue buddy system. Where an allied co-worker will call you up once she's been there over a minute?  We called that the Dwight rule, for Dwight Carpenter, who was kind of the office loser.

 

[ChrisL]

1 minute ago, BuffJim said:

I've had a couple people where I had to institute a "No walking behind my desk. That always creeped me out."

Do you have a rescue buddy system. Where an allied co-worker will call you up once she's been there over a minute?  We called that the Dwight rule, for Dwight Carpenter, who was kind of the office loser.

 

No but good call though.  I do the same for my wife when our neighbor corners her and won't shut up.  Problem is the three guys nearest me are PT so I'm often the only person in my cube row...

[ChrisL]

8 minutes ago, UglyBob said:

When my wife was stuck in cubeville with no door, she had a length of "Police Line - Do No Cross" tape she would put across the opening when she didn't want to be disturbed. I have a whole roll if you need it. 

I actually have some from my previous industry... Hmmm good idea.  Maybe I'll just close off my row.

[Johnny Come Lately Name]

Stop bathing.

[AirwickWithCheese]

13 minutes ago, BuffJim said:

We called that the Dwight rule, for Dwight Carpenter, who was kind of the office loser.

 

I liked Dwight, he was a nice chap.  

[BuffJim]

2 minutes ago, AirwickWithCheese said:

I liked Dwight, he was a nice chap.  

You sure you're not thinking of singer Richard Carpenter? He was On Top of the World for a little while.

[AirwickWithCheese]

1 minute ago, BuffJim said:

You sure you're not thinking of singer Richard Carpenter? He was On Top of the World for a little while.

No and I hate Richard Carpenter. No talent bum didn't intervene to help Karen and has lived his entire worthless life off of her gift from God.     

[Ralphie ★]

3 hours ago, AirwickWithCheese said:

No and I hate Richard Carpenter. No talent bum didn't intervene to help Karen and has lived his entire worthless life off of her gift from God.     

So how do you feel aboot Michael Bolton?

[petitepedal ★]

So...the two of you go to lunch..you do a little friendly/neighborly conversation...and you bring up...the transition from working at home to working in an office (pros and cons...you can say how nice it was not to have endless interruptions but also mention the hands on aspect  [might mention hands on before...no interruptions]..and bring up work goals etc...That way when she pisses you off the next week...you can tell her up front..cos well..you bonded at lunch

[Kirby]

I usually say something like "I really have to deal with this email/issue right now, but I'll swing by your desk when I'm done and we can discuss it then"    Then when I stop by later to discuss it, I can control when I leave and how long we discuss the issue.  This way I can still be helpful (or at least appear helpful) without wasting too much time.

Or you can get a phone headset, and when you see her coming, put the headset on and pretend to be on a call.  If she tries to talk to you anyway, point randomly at the headset  and say loudly on your pretend phone call "sorry, there was just a distraction here, I'm listening"

[Thaddeus Kosciuszko]

4 hours ago, ChrisL said:

Problem is the three guys nearest me are PT so I'm often the only person in my cube row...

Program your desk phone into your cell phone.  When you've had enough chit chat, call yourself on your desk phone.  When it rings, politely excuse yourself to answer the non-call.

Which brings up three points, I think:

-you will need to develop several coping strategies, because one technique will not address all issues

-you will probably have to set yourself the expectation that you will not be able to amend or avoid all of her annoying behaviors

-try to make an honest effort to separate the behavior from the person - in other words the behavior might be annoying or bad but the person may still have value to you in terms of getting your job done.

Example: I work with a guy who does the barge-in-on-the-conversation thing.  No matter who I'm talking to, even if it's strictly a work topic, if the conversation lasts more than a minute he interrupts the conversation with a loud voice to make what he thinks is a clever remark that ends with an equally loud HAW-HAW-HAW.  I've tried several techniques just short of telling him to shut up (not good for working relationships) but the behavior continues.  So now I just hold the expectation that he will interrupt - it's inevitable.  And after he does I just pick up the conversation where I left off as if nothing happened.

If you find yourself tangled up in an extended conversation, I see nothing wrong with an honest - but polite and professional - statement such as "I'll hope you forgive me, Gladys, but although I'd like to continue the conversation I apologize, as I have some work matters I do need to address.  Would you please kindly excuse me?"

With that you've kind of cornered her, because what other answer can she give but "Yes" when you essentially told her you need to get back to work?  And when she does say yes, do not forget to say a sincere 'Thank you' as you go back to your tasks.

If she responds in a way that continues the conversation, the adopt the broken record technique and repeat the question in the same polite and professional voice.  As you repeat it, reinforce the question by turning your body towards your computer to emphasize the 'work' aspect of the question.  Repeat as needed to break away.

Realize too, that any coping strategy you develop - assuming it's an effective one out of the gate - will likely take a month to fully take hold.  You are essentially attempting to retrain a co-worker in how to approach you, and it usually takes a person a month to learn a new habit.

So, patience.

And remember with any of your coping strategies that they are plans, not concrete.  Observe carefully if they are trending toward creating the behaviors you want.  Give them some time if you see progress, but don't hesitate to modify or even dump an approach if it's not working at all.

Humans are creatures of comfort and habit.  Your co-worker has developed habitual behaviors that are comfortable for her.  You will need to invest some effort to gain the work environment that you want, and that will involve you taking steps that gradually and gently teach your co-worker new behaviors that are at least as comfortable as those she has now.