Popular Post Longjohn ★ Posted May 20, 2021 Popular Post Share #1 Posted May 20, 2021 I didn’t think it would hit me this hard because I had two years to prepare for it. 5 17 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kzoo Posted May 20, 2021 Share #2 Posted May 20, 2021 Still praying for you brother. Have you considered grief counseling? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Parsnip Totin Jack ★ Posted May 20, 2021 Popular Post Share #3 Posted May 20, 2021 @Longjohnit’s ok to ask for help. You were Superman for two years, married for over 40 correct? Please find someone to help you through this process. You have many experiences but you are in new territory here. We care about you. 6 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post jsharr ★ Posted May 20, 2021 Popular Post Share #4 Posted May 20, 2021 I concur with both statements above. Prayers being lifted up for you and find someone other than a bunch of imaginary bike friends to lean on. Know we are here for you, but I feel you may need more tangible help. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post jsharr ★ Posted May 20, 2021 Popular Post Share #5 Posted May 20, 2021 Also, that is a wonderful picture of a beautiful woman. 4 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Square Wheels Posted May 20, 2021 Share #6 Posted May 20, 2021 I think happy and positive thoughts every time I think of you and your family - which is daily. I've never met you, and yet you've made a positive impact on my life. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted May 20, 2021 Share #7 Posted May 20, 2021 You had the opportunity to be with her for so long and have a wonderful life with her with lots of great memories. Many people aren't as lucky It would be odd if you didn't miss her. Shoot, I didn't know her but I miss her now, too! You were incredibly fortunate to have found each other! 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Road Runner Posted May 20, 2021 Popular Post Share #8 Posted May 20, 2021 If I may say, I believe much of what LJ is going through is not only grief, it is dealing with an irreplaceable loss. He misses the woman who made his life complete, with whom he shared everything for most of his entire adult life. He is having his own problems now with no one to help him, as he helped her. He has to cope and learn to live now without the presence of his lifelong loving companion. I agree with seeking therapy and maybe a support group, but any way you slice it, he is going through a very bad time. 4 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Airehead Posted May 20, 2021 Popular Post Share #9 Posted May 20, 2021 Prayers lifted. Of course you miss her. This is the cost of true love. The only alternative is to have never found it. Look for ways she is still In your life. A chair she made you buy, a restaurant you enjoyed together, her favorite mug. She is still everybwhere even when not there. I agree that a group of others may be helpful. Much love and care my friend. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirwickWithCheese Posted May 20, 2021 Share #10 Posted May 20, 2021 So jealous of y'alls love. Big hug. I know I'm not a replacement but I could be there Sunday. I'll keep you hopped up on slushies and ice cream. I know it works for me. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Razors Edge ★ Posted May 20, 2021 Popular Post Share #11 Posted May 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Longjohn said: I didn’t think it would hit me this hard because I had two years to prepare for it. Honestly, when you are deep in something and caring for them (and yourself) and all the various things that go along with that, I don't think you can prepare for anything - especially not something of such huge weight and importance as losing the love of your life. Go ahead and grieve for a while. Be kind to yourself. Surround yourself in memories of your wife, family, and all the great things you shared. Find support where you can - here, a grieving group, your faith & family, and/or in private contemplation. I know what - very surprisingly - worked for my FiL when his wife passed (after a decline over about a year or so that was similar in some ways to your case) was his church's grief group. He may have tried a couple before settling on the one he did, but what a wonderful level of support he found People with shared experiences just being there for each other. He was a "tough" man, but losing his wife laid him bare, and the support group built him back in a beautiful way. Regardless, THIS support group will ALWAYS be there for you! 1 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Scrapr ★ Posted May 20, 2021 Popular Post Share #12 Posted May 20, 2021 Totally normal...and it sucks. The silence was deafening for me. So much I bought some speakers & added a Spotify account just for some background noise. You are also in a fog...sometimes called Widow(er) brain. I thought I was going crazy until a neighbor widow explained that your brain changes. I have lots of post it notes around. In the early days it was reminders to eat, etc.It helped to have some human contact. You may have to ask someone to come over. Neighbor, friend, family. All the people that say "if there is anything I can do"....nows the time. You will need to reach out because they don't understand. It helps Hugs John 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eyebike Posted May 20, 2021 Share #13 Posted May 20, 2021 it doesn't matter how long or how well you prepare. A huge wife shaped hole is there. Time can ease the pain the the hole remains. Peace my friend. You have my prayers 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Longjohn ★ Posted May 20, 2021 Author Popular Post Share #14 Posted May 20, 2021 My doctor just prescribed a happy pill for me. 5 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
az_cyclist Posted May 20, 2021 Share #15 Posted May 20, 2021 Prayers for you John, for your health, and for your comfort. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parsnip Totin Jack ★ Posted May 20, 2021 Share #16 Posted May 20, 2021 9 minutes ago, Longjohn said: My doctor just prescribed a happy pill for me. Lemme know if you have any leftover. Knowwhatimean? 😉 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zealot Posted May 20, 2021 Share #17 Posted May 20, 2021 John, it breaks my heart watching you go through this. My wife and I, semi jokingly, made a pact that we’re going out at the same time so that neither of us has to deal with the loss. But remember this, you have your faith. And you know that this is not the end; that there is a great restoration coming. My heart and my prayers go out to you. But as Aire mentioned, the alternative is to have never had what you two had. And that would be a shame. In this world, true love, one that stands the test of time and the rigors of living, one that understands the joys of sharing the heart and the pains of separation should be recognized and celebrated. If you need to talk, you have my number. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoseySusan Posted May 20, 2021 Share #18 Posted May 20, 2021 I feel. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rattlecan ★ Posted May 21, 2021 Share #19 Posted May 21, 2021 Whenever I hear or read of someone in this situation, I realize I cannot begin to imagine the depth of loss you must feel. I may come to experience it first hand one day, but for now, all I can say is you are in my thoughts. Stay strong and all that. The world is a better place for having you in it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petitepedal ★ Posted May 21, 2021 Share #20 Posted May 21, 2021 Oh John..hang on...hang on to memories...hold on..hold on to your faith..reach out..cos that is what friends and family are for....I agree..look for a grief group..and be kind to yourself..it is ok to cry..for that matter getting mad and a few cuss words could help in a moment. It ain't about your health or heart attack..you got a damn big hole in that heart..that was Esther..in the physical..but she is with you in spirit...she will help you mend.... hugs and prayers. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirby Posted May 21, 2021 Share #21 Posted May 21, 2021 I'm so sorry to hear this LJ, but not surprised. You've spent the last few years focusing all your energy on taking care of your wife, you never had the time to process your emotions. I'm glad you're talking to your doctor and getting help. Grief counseling may also be helpful. Unfortunately the more you loved her, the harder the loss - and it's clear you loved her very much. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Square Wheels Posted May 21, 2021 Popular Post Share #22 Posted May 21, 2021 This morning I thought of you and your wife on the drive to work. I was happy I had the top down so I could claim I got something in my eye as I shed a few tears. 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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