Jump to content

Please allow me to vent here just a bit


Parr8hed
 Share

Recommended Posts

My Grandparents are aging.  They have gone to assisted living.  My aunt (Dad's sister) has convinced my Granny to sell off everything in an auction. 

 

Yesterday was the auction.  It was brutal to watch.  My Papa took great pride in his tools.  His house was immaculate.  Strangers routing though all of his possessions, 84 years of his life out on the driveway for people to go through.  Tramping all over his well kept lawn and in and out of her carpeting. 

 

That part I am OK with but it is the tools that just get to me.  My Papa is a little further along the dementia scale than Granny and he was never really given a say.  I feel that tools should be passed down.  And quite a large percentage of those tools were bought for him from my dad for different holidays, projects, etc. 

 

It was absolutely horrible to watch my dad as people carted off these tools.  Dad would say " I bought that for him for father's Day 12 years ago..."  One of the harder things I have ever had to do.

 

And we are not talking about a couple of crescent wrenches...we are talking about welders, torches, cut off wheels, air compressors, pulley pullers, etc.  All Craftsman or Snap On.  He even had a 3/4 " drive ratchet and up to 2 1/2 inch sockets and a 36" 3/4" drive breaker bar.

 

Anyways, I scored a pneumatic 1/2" drive impact wrench, a 3/8" air ratchet and an air chisel. 

 

I used to live across the street from them and they had two really nice outdoor chairs that they were very proud of.  I have many a fond memory sitting in those chairs with my Papa under the carport with a cold beer. 

 

I bought those chairs. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites



Man, that really sucks.  Shouldn't you have had first crack at all that?  

 

Still, really horrible to hear about.   :(

No.  My DAD should have had first crack at all of the tools.  He was never given an option.  He was told that he could bid on them.  His reply "why would I bid on something I already bought once?" 

 

He really wanted my Papa's riding mower.  A 38" cut JD that was about 10 years old and looked like it just rolled off the showroom floor.  It even had chrome wheels:)  He offered to take it to the JD dealership and have it appraised and then said that he would pay that amount into the estate for it.  The auction guys said it would be a really good draw at the auction so it stayed in the auction.  Dad didn't have the heart to bid on it.  My brother in law and I bought it for him and he would not accept.  Ended up selling it to the next highest bidder.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Could a living will cover such eventualities? Something like "If my mind starts to go, son and grandson get to split up the tools?

 

If so, I might just need to add that to mine.

I would certainly think so.  I think it is more important to tell everyone what you want done.  I guess my Papa just always assumed his tools would be passed on, but my Granny and especially my aunt did not seem to get that. 

 

If she were not family, and was not so sweet to my kids I would really be very pissed at her.  As it is, I am only just mildly pissed.  She is taking advantage of my dad.  He knows it, but he is not speaking his mind because he does not want to upset his parents.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Must have been tough, Parr8. 

 

Was the money needed for the assisted living? The auctions similar to that I have been to have been after a family member passed away.

Yes, it was.  They had a pretty modest savings account.  I think that they were doing OK, but the money from the house and tools certainly are going to help.  But here is the thing... My dad does pretty well (financially).  His sister and his other brother both do Ok as well.  There is NO WAY that money was going to be an issue.  I am not saying that our family is rolling in cash, but Dad would have found a way to take care of his parents. The sale of the house was enough by itself to give them a large cushion, the tools didn't add that much considering what they went for at auction.

 

I think that my dad should have at least been given a choice to claim anything he wanted.  Some of the more sentimental tools.  Then the rest could have been auctioned off.  Some of the big ticket items like the drill press, welder, air compressor, etc. my dad already have very nice ones.  Odds are, he would not have wanted those and they still could have been sold at auction.  But he was not given a choice, and I think that was just wrong.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

I think that my dad should have at least been given a choice to claim anything he wanted.  Some of the more sentimental tools.  Then the rest could have been auctioned off.  Some of the big ticket items like the drill press, welder, air compressor, etc. my dad already have very nice ones.  Odds are, he would not have wanted those and they still could have been sold at auction.  But he was not given a choice, and I think that was just wrong.

 

I agree totally with you on that point, Parr8

  • Heart 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you're into tools, I can see that, but, my dad tried to pass on his own Dad's tools to me. I didn't and still don't know the first thing about a lot of that stuff. I didn't know what to do with them, so they sat in the garage until eventually I just gave them away. My Dad didn't want them (he was probably only 50 at the time he tried to give them to me), which was my first hint of how likely I'd want them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you're into tools, I can see that, but, my dad tried to pass on his own Dad's tools to me. I didn't and still don't know the first thing about a lot of that stuff. I didn't know what to do with them, so they sat in the garage until eventually I just gave them away. My Dad didn't want them (he was probably only 50 at the time he tried to give them to me), which was my first hint of how likely I'd want them.

That's a good point.  Dad made his living as a machinist.  Most of his memories I am sure revolve around him and my Papa rebuilding old Road Runners and Chevy's in that garage with all of those tools.  They were both really into tools.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That sounds rough man. Sorry. Were your grandparents there to 'watch'? If so, I can't imagine how hard it would have been for them.

 

I know we had a big garage sale after my mom died....sold all of her stuff. That was pretty rough. I understand the feeling. :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's a good point.  Dad made his living as a machinist.  Most of his memories I am sure revolve around him and my Papa rebuilding old Road Runners and Chevy's in that garage with all of those tools.  They were both really into tools.

 

I will say too, most of them were simply old/very used looking. Some even looked dangerous in terms of lack of safety features. I didn't even want to try using some of them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh man, I'd be pissed off too.  

 

I actually have some things from both of my grandfathers.  I have some coins from my Father's side and I have a 1980s 35 mm camera from my mom's side.  I've actually given away a few things from my Dad's side, just because they are going to good use to someone who needs them....

 

anyway, I'll likely never use the camera again but I keep it because my grandfather's hands used it.  I keep the coins and other article from my other grandpa because his hands, at one point, touched them.  There is a connection there I never want to let go of.  These are memories vital to my connection to these two awesome people.  I loved and adored my grandfathers.

 

I'm sorry P8.

 

Couch

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That sucks hard.  Sorry you and your dad had to go through that.  Just a thought, but did the Aunt take anything that meant a lot to her, jewelery, silver, china, etc?

 

When my father in law saw the end coming, lung cancer sucks hard too by the way, he gave me all of his tools.  ALL of them.  Table saw, compound miter saw, etc.  Lots of wood working tools and hand tools.  

 

I think of his kind heart and generous spirit every time I use them.  I am sorry that you and your dad were denied this opportunity.

 

Enjoy your chairs, sit in them and remember all the great times with your Papa.  He sounds like a really good man, just like his son and grandson.

  • Heart 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

That sounds rough man. Sorry. Were your grandparents there to 'watch'? If so, I can't imagine how hard it would have been for them.

 

I know we had a big garage sale after my mom died....sold all of her stuff. That was pretty rough. I understand the feeling. :(

No, Granny is in rehab center after just having an aortic valve replacement.  Papa is in assisted living.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry to hear that P8.   The only thing I have from my grandfather is his old remington .22.

I don't even know what happened to the rest of his stuff.

I do own a Single Shot Remmington .22 bolt action that he gave me years ago when I was 13.  He used it when he was young.  I'd like to know how old that thing is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That sucks hard.  Sorry you and your dad had to go through that.  Just a thought, but did the Aunt take anything that meant a lot to her, jewelery, silver, china, etc?

 

When my father in law saw the end coming, lung cancer sucks hard too by the way, he gave me all of his tools.  ALL of them.  Table saw, compound miter saw, etc.  Lots of wood working tools and hand tools.  

 

I think of his kind heart and generous spirit every time I use them.  I am sorry that you and your dad were denied this opportunity.

 

Enjoy our chairs, sit in them and remember all the great times with your Papa.  He sounds like a really good man, just like his son and grandson.

I am not sure about the Aunt.  This ain't my party, I have no dog in this fight.  I was only there to support my dad and ended up bidding on some things. 

 

I will say that I am pretty excited about the pneumatic tools.  They are dope.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That sucks.  Though also understand if your Grandparents might need the money for care.  I got all of my Grandfather's tools when he passed (not that it was much aside from a really nice socket set).  And their kids did get to take what they wanted, but they only took things that meant something to them because they new money was needed to settle the estate, so my father and his brother and sisters probably bought most of the stuff at the auction because it was stuff they kind of wanted and it wasn't bringing much.

 

And also get the need for keeping things listed to draw people in for the auction.  I declined my Father-in-laws John Deere 720 diesel with a pony motor on it.  He's pride and joy because I knew it would be needed to draw a crowd for an auction.

 

It all sucks, but sometimes we have to do things that suck because it's really the best thing to do for all involved.

  • Heart 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Let me state that I don't think that my aunt did this out of bad intent.  I think she is trying to help her mom and dad.  She is a very abrupt person.  hard to take sometimes, but I do believe that her heart is in the right place.

 

And I can kinda see her side.  I mean if there were all of these tools worth all of this money, why should that just go to my dad?  I guess she should be entitled to her cut?  (even if she didn't buy most of those tools). 

 

Ok, I guess that's not fair either.  She probably split costs of many of the tools dad bought for birthday presents, etc. 

 

It's still all just a little hard to take.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Let me state that I don't think that my aunt did this out of bad intent.  I think she is trying to help her mom and dad.  She is a very abrupt person.  hard to take sometimes, but I do believe that her heart is in the right place.

 

And I can kinda see her side.  I mean if there were all of these tools worth all of this money, why should that just go to my dad?  I guess she should be entitled to her cut?  (even if she didn't buy most of those tools). 

 

Ok, I guess that's not fair either.  She probably split costs of many of the tools dad bought for birthday presents, etc. 

 

It's still all just a little hard to take.

I look forward to the day that she wakes up in a bathtub full of ice with a note from a murse...  "The proceeds from the sale of your kidney will be used to replace Papa's tools."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeap, never an easy thing to do or go through, but with multiple siblings, often the best way.

 

My mother's side, there wasn't a lot, so not enough for an auction, so they just split stuff up.  Turned into a huge pissing match over who got what, my mother finally go so frustrated, she told her other two sisters she didn't want anything of her Mom's and one aunt ended up with pretty much everything because she was such a pain in the ass.

 

Luckily, I already had all of my Grandfather's fishing stuff which was his big thing, of course I've since that passed that on to my nephew (sister's son) as he's really into fishing and appreciates it far more than I do anymore.

  • Heart 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So much sadness.  Life sucks, sometimes.  Sorry that had to happen, P8.   :unhappy:

 

 

I am a little in the same boat with all my stuff, except when I go, my son will get everything and my collection of tools will unlikely be valued as I would hope.  I guess at that point, I'll be beyond caring.   :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So much sadness.  Life sucks, sometimes.  Sorry that had to happen, P8.   :unhappy:

 

 

I am a little in the same boat with all my stuff, except when I go, my son will get everything and my collection of tools will unlikely be valued as I would hope.  I guess at that point, I'll be beyond caring.   :(

You owe me something from your estate for all the funny stuff I post about you.  Can I have your pedal wrench?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My sister was married for 2 whole years....her ex ended up with my grandfathers hand drill and box o bits.....I am still ticked off at that.. :angry:

 

Sorry about your weekend Parr8.   I see similar stuff to this going on all the time....the families that just hire a roll off dumpster and dispose of mom and/or dad's belongings...it is a crying shame...or the folks who are trying to sell stuff for top dollar :rolleyes:  There is a fine line...I know before we split up my mom's belongings years ago...we each had the option to take back what we had purchased for mom as gifts. :nod head:

 

It boils down to 2 things....emotions and communication  and both of those things can be difficult to deal with.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dividing up, transferring, or disposing of parent's possessions is nearly always a difficult task. My father was executor of his parent's will.  My grandmother died, then my grandfather.  My Dad had a professional estate appraiser come in and assign a value to everything that was not specifically listed in the will.  The total added up the value of the estate, not including real estate.

 

If one of the siblings wanted something from the estate they could claim it up to their portion of the value of the estate.  If they wanted more items, they paid the others for it - either in cash or by giving up something else to the other siblings.  Each sibling received pretty much what he/she wanted.  Where two siblings wanted the same item, the price went up until one yielded.

 

I consider my Dad a very smart man, but thought this approach especially clever.  Nobody argued about the value of anything, because an outsider with no personal interest set those values.  When two people wanted the same item, the one who wanted it most received it and the other siblings received the benefit because the their share of the estate value increased.

 

This didn't totally prevent hurt feelings - I think nothing can in such a situation.  Some items on the appraiser's list somehow 'disappeared' after the appraisal but before the siblings met to discuss what each wanted.  But in the end I think this was an excellent methods to minimize the emotions associated with sharing an estate when those emotions are already raw and fragile.

  • Heart 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry Parr8, that must have been hard for you and your Dad.  It's usually hard to deal with serious illness and significant life changes, and the mechanics of cleaning out a house and dealing with all the stuff can be overwhelming in the best of circumstances.  Add all these factors together and it's going to be hard. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think I missed my chance at my father in law's tools.  After he had a heart attack and his excellent health started to slip he took me out to his shop and told me he wanted me to have his tools, any that I wanted.  He said he wouldn't be using them anymore and he would like me to have them.  I don't have room for or time to use all the equipment he has in his shop.  My wife and I looked at plans for a shop and talked about where we would build it.  I could see this being something I could do in retirement to supplement my income.  He has wood and metal lathes, table saws, radial arm saw, band saws, jig saws, drill presses, jointers, planers, welders, torches, wrenches, air compressors.  I didn't get the shop built and dad's mind started to slip.  Earlier this year I was helping his son do some work out in the garage and he talked about having all the tools appraised and having a sale. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...