So, are old people born cranky, or are they conditioned into curmudgeons ?

[MoseySusan]

Maybe @petitepedal can shed some light based on her experience with older people. 

Grandparents came to the climbing gym to watch their granddaughters. After the youngest climbed atop the bouldering ladder, grandma said, “Now you’re stuck and you’ll have to spend the rest of the day there.” Grandpa said something like way to go. Then the older girl climbed a wall to the top, and grandpa said, “That was fast!” The girl replied, “I’ve climbed it before, and that one, and that one…” Grandma said to grandpa, “She’s just got it memorized; that’s why you think she’s fast.” So, I’m thinking grandma might be fading into senility, but grandpa has maintained his optimism. 

But why do people turn mean-spirited or negative as they age?  Or, have they always been grumpy? Born grumpy.

My dad varies depending on the memory he has stuck on loop in his head. But he’s generally affable, smiling and friendly. Joking. My SiL’s mom, though. She’s a bit much to be around. 

Anyway, I don’t want to become a curmudgeon in old age. No fun to be around. 

[jsharr ★]

It has to be because of those darn meddling kids.

[maddmaxx ★]

[MoseySusan]

1 minute ago, maddmaxx said:

You’re suggesting grandma was afraid for her granddaughters, and in “fight or flight mode” she chose “bitchy”? 

[Parsnip Totin Jack ★]

I try to be upbeat and understanding but I recognize that my experiences have made me cynical. I try not to let it out, but it’s not always easy.

[MoseySusan]

7 minutes ago, jsharr said:

It has to be because of those darn meddling kids.

For sure. Kids can’t keep their darn meddling to themselves. 
 

I wonder if grandma has chronic pain that makes her cranky? Or maybe it’s grandpa on the painkillers that makes him easy-going. 

[maddmaxx ★]

4 minutes ago, MoseySusan said:

You’re suggesting grandma was afraid for her granddaughters, and in “fight or flight mode” she chose “bitchy”? 

I think people get cranky when they see their life slipping away without accomplishing the things they set out to do.

[MoseySusan]

4 minutes ago, Parsnip Totin Jack said:

I try to be upbeat and understanding but I recognize that my experiences have made me cynical. I try not to let it out, but it’s not always easy.

I feel. 
I’m not a sunshine and rainbows person, and I’ve tasted my share of bitter pills. But I don’t want to make cranky my gift to others. I’m afraid I won’t have any control over it, though. 

[shootingstar]

2 minutes ago, MoseySusan said:

I feel. 
I’m not a sunshine and rainbows person, and I’ve tasted my share of bitter pills. But I don’t want to make cranky my gift to others. I’m afraid I won’t have any control over it, though. 

It’s a challenge with each decade. Even for those of us have achieved good personal stuff or were lucky. We can’t avoid sudden loss of loved ones, etc.  

[Ralphie ★]

Everything is cumulative, so the annoyances just build and build.  I think you need a way to recharge and houseclean your brian that works for you.

[Wilbur ★]

21 minutes ago, MoseySusan said:

Maybe @petitepedal can shed some light based on her experience with older people. 

Grandparents came to the climbing gym to watch their granddaughters. After the youngest climbed atop the bouldering ladder, grandma said, “Now you’re stuck and you’ll have to spend the rest of the day there.” Grandpa said something like way to go. Then the older girl climbed a wall to the top, and grandpa said, “That was fast!” The girl replied, “I’ve climbed it before, and that one, and that one…” Grandma said to grandpa, “She’s just got it memorized; that’s why you think she’s fast.” So, I’m thinking grandma might be fading into senility, but grandpa has maintained his optimism. 

But why do people turn mean-spirited or negative as they age?  Or, have they always been grumpy? Born grumpy.

My dad varies depending on the memory he has stuck on loop in his head. But he’s generally affable, smiling and friendly. Joking. My SiL’s mom, though. She’s a bit much to be around. 

Anyway, I don’t want to become a curmudgeon in old age. No fun to be around. 

Just don’t!  It is that easy.

[MoseySusan]

3 minutes ago, Wilbur said:

Just don’t!  It is that easy.

If “don’t” were easy, there’d be a lot less shenanigans in this world.  

[jsharr ★]

37 minutes ago, MoseySusan said:

For sure. Kids can’t keep their darn meddling to themselves. 
 

I wonder if grandma has chronic pain that makes her cranky? Or maybe it’s grandpa on the painkillers that makes him easy-going. 

I wonder if sometimes old people feel trapped in a failing body.  They see others doing things that they can no longer do and get frustrated.  Transfer the anger to whoever can still do the things?   Probably varies from person to person as to the why.  

[Wilbur ★]

19 minutes ago, Parsnip Totin Jack said:

I try to be upbeat and understanding but I recognize that my experiences have made me cynical. I try not to let it out, but it’s not always easy.

This.  Being civil is too much work at times.  Some people just need to told they are being stupid!   But telling them is an option.

[MoseySusan]

1 minute ago, jsharr said:

I wonder is sometimes old people feel trapped in a failing body.  They see others doing things that they can no longer do and get frustrated.  Tranfer the anger to whoever can still do the things?   Probably varies from person to person as to the why.  

This makes the most sense. And grandma watching girls do things she probably never could do and for sure wouldn’t have the chance now would make anyone a little cranky. 

[Parsnip Totin Jack ★]

It’s easier to control when I’m rested. Not so much when I’m tarred.

[shootingstar]

2 hours ago, MoseySusan said:

This makes the most sense. And grandma watching girls do things she probably never could do and for sure wouldn’t have the chance now would make anyone a little cranky. 

I’ve been impressed with my 86 yr. Friend. Ex- randonneur, ex-cyclist for transportation for decades.  She uses a walker for past 2 yrs. And getting weaker. Very positive. I don’t need to talk about my cycling. She knows. She is great model , of quiet optimism. 
Good topic to reflect.

 

[jsharr ★]

I know that my father changed as medical conditions took away his mobility.   Not going to share details but not being able to do simple things had to be so frustrating.   I do not want to end up old and bitter.  I am a firm believer in quality of life over quantity of life and having some say on your exit from this life.    I have communicated this to my boys and will continue to do so.  

[Randomguy]

I have noticed that older chicks tend to get progressively more bitter, unless they don't.  Lots of sweet old ladies out there, but many more nasty-ass attitudes than the sweet ones, and moreso than the dudes by a small but noticeable percentage.

That said, plenty of old dudes who are dickheads, too, but those tend to be the ones who were dickheads before they got old.  I think the dudes who turn into sweet old men tend to better realize how they will be remembered when they die and realize that there is no benefit to being a crank, or were just mostly nice and encouraging previously anyway.

So  I guess it is all pretty variable.

[Randomguy]

10 minutes ago, jsharr said:

I know that my father changed as medical conditions took away his mobility.   Not going to share details but not being able to do simple things had to be so frustrating.   I do not want to end up old and bitter.  I am a firm believer in quality of life over quantity of life and having some say on your exit from this life.    I have communicated this to my boys and will continue to do so.  

Yeah, pain and diminishing quality of life is a bitch, my buddy in CO will be that way I think.  Again, he always skewed a bit dickhead anyway, though.

I am with you, when the math adds up in the wrong direction, I want to check out early before it gets so bad.  I would rather die mostly happy at 80 instead of miserable at 102.

[Zephyr]

I think some people tend to see the positive in things while others focus on the negative, even in their younger years.  What tends to wane (imo) as they age is the filter they use to keep it in check so their negative tends to surface more readily than when they were younger

[Kzoo]

Depends

[2Far ★]

It's a lifetime of suffering fools. Wo2 is more (not hyper) critical, but that's really how she grew up.

[groupw]

I catch myself saying things with less filter as I age. For the most part, that’s fine, but sometimes I hear the negative edge my dad had as the years passed. That’s not who I want to be. I would rather emulate the positive aspects as I go on. 

[MoseySusan]

58 minutes ago, 2Far said:

but that's really how she grew up

I feel. 
My worry is that having grown up with contemptuous people, it’s my default programming waiting for my executive function to fail. 

[petitepedal ★]

curmudgeonism is the luck of the draw..however cranky younger people tend to be cranky old people . At least that has been my experience   There are a few old people who mellow with age. 

One of my residents in his mid 90's went to a music launch at First Avenue at like 11pm or midnight..to support his Grandson's music career...

 

[Kzoo]

My father mellowed a bit as he aged.  He never really had that much of an edge but being close to him I could tell.  My FIL was born a curmudgeon and certainly mellowed with age.

[a bunch of numbers]

I think to sum up what everyone has pretty much said, life makes you that way.

[JerrySTL ★]

Get off my lawn!

[MoseySusan]

6 minutes ago, petitepedal said:

At least that has been my experience

You could give us a master class in dealing with older people. 💞

[Randomguy]

One thing I have noticed is that I am faster to tell people who should know better what's what.  I have less patience for idiots, but more patience and compassion for others.  Definitely more empathetic and sympathetic overall, though.

[Scrapr ★]

1 hour ago, Randomguy said:

 I would rather die mostly happy at 80 instead of miserable at 102.

wait till you are 78....that's when the bargaining begins. You will sell your soul at 79.5

I blame my career for my negative outlook. As a dispatcher I tried to have options for whatever could happen. Driver not show up, driver has to go home early, contractor that had to have a garage cleaned because the people are moving in & he takes the lockbox off so we can't get in. Etc. I'm pretty easy going but my first instinct in most situations is how is this thing going to go sideways. The lovely Sara with an H has been helping me w/this

[Randomguy]

4 minutes ago, Scrapr said:

wait till you are 78....that's when the bargaining begins. You will sell your soul at 79.5

I blame my career for my negative outlook. As a dispatcher I tried to have options for whatever could happen. Driver not show up, driver has to go home early, contractor that had to have a garage cleaned because the people are moving in & he takes the lockbox off so we can't get in. Etc. I'm pretty easy going but my first instinct in most situations is how is this thing going to go sideways. The lovely Sara with an H has been helping me w/this

She is a good one, isn't she?  Sideways is a fact of life in the IT world, I kind of hate that aspect of it.

[shootingstar]

39 minutes ago, petitepedal said:

curmudgeonism is the luck of the draw..however cranky younger people tend to be cranky old people . At least that has been my experience   There are a few old people who mellow with age. 

One of my residents in his mid 90's went to a music launch at First Avenue at like 11pm or midnight..to support his Grandson's music career...

YOu must see enough in your job over the years.

Do you think curmudgeoness might have to do with much older people, distinguishing between who/what to trust that makes certain people just more negative/distrustful?  I think much older people who are optimistic and positive but NOT just the sweet old lady, have gotten to a point distinguishing what/who to trust vs. other stuff can just be ignored because it's a waste of time/money.  

[shootingstar]

I really don't want to become the dumb sweet old lady.

I would rather over time, become positive, smart and calm old lady.  The latter is my 86 yr. old friend.  

[Kirby]

I tend to agree with the folks who think Grandma may have just been a grump even when she was younger.  I think my parents tended to be slightly more cautious as they got older, as little things could have had more dire medical consequences, but their personalities didn't change.  

However, neither of them had chronic pain.  I could imagine ongoing medical illnesses that create chronic pain could severely impact someone, but from people that I've known, it would make them more depressed or less optimistic.  In the people I've known, I haven't seen it make them mean or rude to people if they weren't otherwise like that.

[Bikeguy]

2 hours ago, jsharr said:

I wonder if sometimes old people feel trapped in a failing body.  They see others doing things that they can no longer do and get frustrated.  Transfer the anger to whoever can still do the things?   Probably varies from person to person as to the why.  

I've seen this happen more than a few times.   The worst cases are people with dementia / Alzheimer's.   

I saw how my grandmother, WoBG's mother and my mother 'change'.  They all had dementia, both got VERY frustrated.   

When I grew up my dad never uttered a swear word.  My dad has dementia now.   (I'm doomed...)  The last time I visited him at the nursing home, my brother was there in the morning for my data's shower.  The staff requested him to be there to help.   My brother told me our dad unleashed a fury of F bombs for the guy helping with the shower.   When the shower was done. it was like a switch tuned off and he was OK again. 

[MickinMD ★]

People are conditioned by their experiences, by their current limitations, and by what they see as societal changes that they find alarming.

If I wasn't comfortably retired and healthy enough to be active, travel, etc., I would probably be a grumpy old man.

[Wilbur ★]

24 minutes ago, shootingstar said:

I really don't want to become the dumb sweet old lady.

I would rather over time, become positive, smart and calm old lady.  The latter is my 86 yr. old friend.  

Go skydiving!  I am going in August with my Mom and her friend who is turning 100. 

[shootingstar]

1 hour ago, Wilbur said:

Go skydiving!  I am going in August with my Mom and her friend who is turning 100. 

Oye.  Maybe someone had be taking a pic of you folks.  For sure, your family would treasure a pic of her skydiving especially. 

We have to remember there are alot of other folks who think a woman cycling on the road @65 yr., is crazy. We're forgetting that SQW isn't totally the norm for rest of society. Or at least some societies.

[maddmaxx ★]

I get cranky because the rest of the world deserves it.

[Ralphie ★]

18 hours ago, Parsnip Totin Jack said:

It’s easier to control when I’m rested. Not so much when I’m tarred.

And feathered?

[Ralphie ★]

17 hours ago, Scrapr said:

wait till you are 78....that's when the bargaining begins. You will sell your soul at 79.5

I blame my career for my negative outlook. As a dispatcher I tried to have options for whatever could happen. Driver not show up, driver has to go home early, contractor that had to have a garage cleaned because the people are moving in & he takes the lockbox off so we can't get in. Etc. I'm pretty easy going but my first instinct in most situations is how is this thing going to go sideways. The lovely Sara with an H has been helping me w/this

Similar with engineering or probably any career, really. You always have to look for what could go wrong. It can wear you oot and definitely make you cynical. Same for listening to news, a constant torrent of problems.

 

[Parsnip Totin Jack ★]

9 minutes ago, Ralphie said:

And feathered?

If I was feathered, I’d be a bald eagle 

[Wilbur ★]

15 hours ago, shootingstar said:

We have to remember there are alot of other folks who think a woman cycling on the road @65 yr., is crazy.

Only in our corner of the world.  Pretty normal in much of Europe and developing nations.  I remember being in Nuremberg at little old ladies were riding micro-scooters down the cobblestone streets of the old town.  That was crazy!