Too generous, not enough, just right?

[BuffJim]

I offered to give my 26 yo daughter $4000 for her first house purchase. My parents gave me and her mom $2000 back in 1993. Her mom could also pitch in. As Aire mentioned yesterday house prices are modest in WNY, but Real Estate taxes are high. Starter house would be 100-120k. 

[Airehead]

That sounds good plus some help with a project or two. 

[Kirby]

I think that's a very nice gift.  It helps a lot with the down payment, but they'll still have enoguh of their own money invested that they'll feel a real sense of accomplishment in getting their first home.

[maddmaxx ★]

You're a good dad

[Prophet Zacharia]

I think any money you gift your child to buy a house is generous.

[BuffJim]

34 minutes ago, Airehead said:

That sounds good plus some help with a project or two. 

I think she would take $3000 if I promise not to help with a project or two. 

[Longjohn ★]

When my son was buying his first house he was short on his down payment.An anonymous person put a cashier’s check for the exact amount he was short in his mailbox. He hadn’t told anyone even us that he didn’t have enough money. At that time I didn’t have the money but he knew if I found out I would have borrowed the money to give him. I have always had good credit. To this day he doesn’t know where that money came from. I think it was $5,000 if I remember correctly.

[groupw]

It’s a nice gesture. I’m sure she will appreciate it. So hard for kids to get their foot in the door to ownership. 

[ChrisL]

We put close to $30K into daughter & SIL’s wedding so a year later when they bought their townhouse we only gave them free labor.  

I think that was a very generous gift.

[shootingstar]

Different ways to help out.  That's helpful and may her mother help out in some way.

[Thaddeus Kosciuszko]

The question of too much, too little, or just right doesn't depend on the amount your choose to give or upon their need but upon the state of your finances.  If your finances permit that amount then it's just right.

As part of the gift I would also suggest you offer to pay for them a financial program such as the one Dave Ramsey offers.  The program teaches principles of home finance that I wish I'd learned much earlier in life, such as when I'd bought my first house.  If they don't already follow some sort of financial discipline like that, then it would be a wonderful gift to supplement the one you already intend to give.

[donkpow]

Dad? It's me, your long lost son. Remember? The Exxon station?

[bikeman564™]

Good amount, that's very nice of you

[Razors Edge ★]

14 hours ago, BuffJim said:

I offered to give my 26 yo daughter $4000 for her first house purchase. My parents gave me and her mom $2000 back in 1993. Her mom could also pitch in. As Aire mentioned yesterday house prices are modest in WNY, but Real Estate taxes are high. Starter house would be 100-120k. 

Yep - it's all relative and what's good for one person is okay for another and bad for others.  If you feel good helping her out, $10 or $10,000 is "fair" for sure.  My feeling would be a nice aid would be making sure the home she is buying is affordable and a reasonably "safe" deal.  Add in your help - both physical and through advice - and she'll be good to go.

My parents gave me NOTHING ... except a good home and an education.  Getting "nothing" was maybe tough love or simply turned out well as my wife and I figured out early how to make do on our incomes, to save money, and to buy what we could afford when we needed it, so that was probably better than any cash we would have received.

As a side note, I wouldn't likely give the money if she also didn't have SIGNIFICANT skin in the game.  If your $4k is the whole or most of the down payment, then she is likely buying too soon.  Just my opinion, but folks really ought to have 10% (at least) to put down on their first home, and hopefully your $4k would bump her up to being out of PMI zone.

[BuffJim]

2 hours ago, Razors Edge said:

Yep - it's all relative and what's good for one person is okay for another and bad for others.  If you feel good helping her out, $10 or $10,000 is "fair" for sure.  My feeling would be a nice aid would be making sure the home she is buying is affordable and a reasonably "safe" deal.  Add in your help - both physical and through advice - and she'll be good to go.

My parents gave me NOTHING ... except a good home and an education.  Getting "nothing" was maybe tough love or simply turned out well as my wife and I figured out early how to make do on our incomes, to save money, and to buy what we could afford when we needed it, so that was probably better than any cash we would have received.

As a side note, I wouldn't likely give the money if she also didn't have SIGNIFICANT skin in the game.  If your $4k is the whole or most of the down payment, then she is likely buying too soon.  Just my opinion, but folks really ought to have 10% (at least) to put down on their first home, and hopefully your $4k would bump her up to being out of PMI zone.

It doesn’t work that way here. The first 10-15k go for closing costs, before you get any equity. She’ll have skin in the game. 

[smudge ★]

I think it's a very nice amount. Good on ya, Dad!

[MickinMD ★]

17 hours ago, BuffJim said:

I offered to give my 26 yo daughter $4000 for her first house purchase. My parents gave me and her mom $2000 back in 1993. Her mom could also pitch in. As Aire mentioned yesterday house prices are modest in WNY, but Real Estate taxes are high. Starter house would be 100-120k. 

That sounds about right - the key thing in Maryland is the closing costs and the typical $5K - $10K down on $160 - $250K starter homes in Central MD.

My parents had nothing, so I helped my siblings, 8.5 and 15 years younger than me, when they bought their first houses.

[Tizeye]

While I assisted in many ways, didn't give anything monetarily - other than using my military discount at various places. On their first purchase, my mother sent the $15,000 check as a 'house warming' gift. That was sent AFTER the closing. You have to be careful on timing. If a large sum is deposited earlier, it throws all sorts of red flags on the mortgage application and approval. Where did it cone from? They hadn't saved for the down payment and doesn't represent their true assets? Is it a true gift or is there a stealth repayment that would impact the cashflow competing with re-paying the mortgage? And anything else they can think of that create issues with mortgage approval.

Equally as bad and what I routinely warned buyers about...don't have a buying spree (furniture, car, appliances, etc) while house closing is pending. Mortgage companied do a credit pull as  they are ready to cut the check, and if new credit purchases push them into a new risk category, mortgage companied have denied the previously approve mortgage on closing day. Visit the furniture store the day after closing rather than planning delivery on closing day.

[BuffJim]

14 hours ago, ChrisL said:

We put close to $30K into daughter & SIL’s wedding so a year later when they bought their townhouse we only gave them free labor.  

I think that was a very generous gift.

You’ve got me way beat on the wedding costs. I’ve got 10k budgeted. The rest has to come from her mom or elsewhere. 

[ChrisL]

Just now, BuffJim said:

You’ve got me way beat on the wedding costs. I’ve got 10k budgeted. The rest has to come from her mom or elsewhere. 

We were fortunate in that they had a two year engagement and put a budget in place early which we started contributing to early so it wasn’t a one time hit.

They also lived rent free with his family during their engagement and they saved enough for a substantial down payment so really didn’t need our help with the house.