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Should I be a good sport & play along?


ChrisL
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My SIL’s dad is kind of a pain in the ass and SIL & his mom struggle to find things he likes to do or gifts for him.

So last week SIL’s mom says let’s go to the mountains for Father’s Day so Mo (SIL’s dad) & Chris can go fishing.  I’m thinking, that dude doesn’t have a single fishing rod in his garage, taking a noob  fishing  does not sound fun for me at all and it’s my day too right??

My daughter asked me this morning if I wanted to do the mountain thing with them & I was like, uhhhh let me think about it.  But really, I don’t want to be a fishing guide for a PITA dude so his wife can check the box & do something for him for Father’s Day.  

If you were in my shoes would you play nice or say F that?
 

 

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You have something else to do.  Or be fully aware that you are being used by the SIL and do it anyway.

Forget your fishing gear and just bring a cooler of beer and drink by the river.

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You say he’s kind of a pain. Can you expound?  Have you ever done anything with him, or would this be a first time thing?

And another question would be, is it something he would want to do?

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42 minutes ago, ChrisL said:

If you were in my shoes would you play nice or say F that?

He's a similar age?  Honestly, Father's Day and Mother's Day are just about relaxing and having the kids over (or going to the parents), and should not have a lot of extra thought put into them.  For me, I'd say no if the guy wasn't relatively okay to be around for a longer period of time.  My BiL who we celebrate most holidays and birthdays is a bit of a low excitement guy, but spending time with the rest of the crew is worth the time idly chatting with him.  If it means you will get a good chunk of time with your daughter and new grandkid, I do it, but maybe schedule a mixture of stuff - a hike, a picnic, a round or two of cornhole, an hour watching the sleeping baby so "the rest of you can get some free time", etc..

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Just now, Zealot said:

You say he’s kind of a pain. Can you expound?  Have you ever done anything with him, or would this be a first time thing?

He’s just a difficult person to be around. He complains a lot, doesn’t really appreciate efforts others make for him, expects to be waited on.  He grew up in India and has that weird old school vibe like my dad had.  A woman’s role is in the kitchen & to serve me type...  But what irritates me the most is when he gets bored he just starts bagging on his son and wife.  I get sick of it really quick. 

My family likes to go out & do things & my SIL loves to join us on adventures.  His mom is cool & sometimes will join us but the dad seldom does. If he’s not working he just chooses to stay home.  

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5 minutes ago, ChrisL said:

He’s just a difficult person to be around. He complains a lot, doesn’t really appreciate efforts others make for him, expects to be waited on.  He grew up in India and has that weird old school vibe like my dad had.  A woman’s role is in the kitchen & to serve me type...  But what irritates me the most is when he gets bored he just starts bagging on his son and wife.  I get sick of it really quick. 

Geez, that does sound like a downer to be around.  Just tell the SIL "Father's day is for relaxing around the home with the family, so I am gonna stick around the house.  Have fun with your dad!"

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1 minute ago, Randomguy said:

Geez, that does sound like a downer to be around.  Just tell the SIL "Father's day is for relaxing around the home with the family, so I am gonna stick around the house.  Have fun with your dad!"

No SiL means no daughter and no grand baby????  That's what might be the issue.  The dude sounds like an azz, but sometimes you pay that price for a higher reward.

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1 minute ago, Razors Edge said:

No SiL means no daughter and no grand baby????  That's what might be the issue.  The dude sounds like an azz, but sometimes you pay that price for a higher reward.

I’m sure we’ll do something as a family so we’ll see them. They also live a mile away so it’s not like we aren’t there several times a week anyway.  We have family dinner 2-3 times a week, just us not his parents and my wife has baby withdrawals if she doesn’t see the baby more than a day.

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23 minutes ago, ChrisL said:

He’s just a difficult person to be around. He complains a lot, doesn’t really appreciate efforts others make for him, expects to be waited on.  He grew up in India and has that weird old school vibe like my dad had.  A woman’s role is in the kitchen & to serve me type...  But what irritates me the most is when he gets bored he just starts bagging on his son and wife.  I get sick of it really quick. 

My family likes to go out & do things & my SIL loves to join us on adventures.  His mom is cool & sometimes will join us but the dad seldom does. If he’s not working he just chooses to stay home.  

That’s a tough one.  Knowing me, I probably wouldn’t go unless I’d resolved ahead of time to confront him with these issues if his behavior moved in the direction you just described.

And maybe that is what is needed? Some people don’t realize their issues because no one ever calls them on it.  (Not saying that’s  the case here or that you should say anything. I’m just ruminating)

As a pretty socially awkward person, I can tell you that sometimes people put off a certain air simply to avoid the pains of rejection (real or imagined). In other words, it’s easier to let others think you are a certain way. It’s a preemptive measure to avoid hurt. Not saying that’s the situation here. Just presenting a thought.

Go with your gut. 

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11 minutes ago, ChrisL said:

You know, the more I think about it, we got this whole thing wrong. This is my SIL’s first Father’s Day.  We should be doing what he wants to do.  

I’m going to defer any & all plans made for me and Mo and tell my daughter I want to do whatever my SIL wants to do. 

This makes me smile.  😊 

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1 hour ago, ChrisL said:

I’m sure we’ll do something as a family so we’ll see them. They also live a mile away so it’s not like we aren’t there several times a week anyway.  We have family dinner 2-3 times a week, just us not his parents and my wife has baby withdrawals if she doesn’t see the baby more than a day.

Can you just kill the guy and bury his body in the forest?

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2 minutes ago, Razors Edge said:

(or whatever we call human meat)????

Soylent green........ didn't you see the movie?

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Just now, donkpow said:

You could be a bad sport and pretend to play along. Or play along at playing along. Or be like me, play around at playing along. They hate that. :lol:

Don't hate the player, hate the game!

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10 minutes ago, donkpow said:

The guy at the coffee shop asked if I was giving sage advise. I said, "Hey, you asked me".

Was he Sage?  If not, was there someone with him named Sage?  Or was there something "off" in his eyes?  I can see that being possible (Ohio!).

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Extended family relations can be tricky.  Does your daughter recognize this guy can be a PITA?   If so, I might ask her what she wants to do.  if going along makes things easier for her and her extended family, I might agree and then celebrate how I'd like another weekend. If this is a sacrifice that your daughter would really appreciate, it's probably worth it.  If she honestly doesn't care, then I'd do what I wanted.

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1 hour ago, Kirby said:

Extended family relations can be tricky.  Does your daughter recognize this guy can be a PITA?   If so, I might ask her what she wants to do.  if going along makes things easier for her and her extended family, I might agree and then celebrate how I'd like another weekend. If this is a sacrifice that your daughter would really appreciate, it's probably worth it.  If she honestly doesn't care, then I'd do what I wanted.

Oh yeah for sure.  Both of her in laws are a PITA to her.  Her MIL has boundary issues and my daughter refuses to give her a key to the house as she’ll most likely rearrange the furniture to her liking.  Her FIL is all the things I mentioned and she just avoids them to the extent she can. 

Honestly we gained a son as he’s with us more than she is with them.

I already told her I’m good with whatever her hubby wants to do.  

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While the 2 of you are alone in the river, FIL fell on a slippery rock and floated downstream. You tried to catch him with your line, but it wasn’t high enough strength and snapped. (Make sure you insert the hook in his shirt before he “falls”) 

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4 hours ago, ChrisL said:

To my earlier point, WOChrisL was having baby withdrawals so we came over after dinner.  My daughter had just fed CJ and he threw up on her. Perfect timing, here mom take the baby so I can change...

Of course I need to spoil the 4 legged baby so my daughter comes downstairs to this:

1AB7A34E-A3C8-4EF2-BFCB-342AAE791988.thumb.jpeg.84b6f34cc75af84eed5195e266a5d5c5.jpeg

You're cuter than I thought.  Sorry @Zephyr, I may need to switch my man crush. 

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This thread and your response was making me happy all day.  I recalled so many times when I was taking my Mom somewhere that my Dad might not really enjoy (such as a skating show or a play).  I'd offer to let him stay home, and he'd always say he was happy to be with us whatever we were doing. Your response that you're happy to do what SIL wants was really touching.   At the end of the day, the memories of the time spent together - the time spent being there for the little moments -  add up to the memories we have of people. Spending time with your daughter and supporting her relationship with her husband, is a wonderful way to celebrate being a Dad (even if it means spending some time with grumpy guy).

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So update, we had dinner last night with my daughter, SIL and his mom. So Chris, doesn’t fishing in the mtns sound great?!?!   Yeah I’m going to defer this decision to the new dad.  I’m down with whatever Kam wants to do.  So Kam, doesn’t fishing in the mtns sound fun for Father’s Day????  

Uh no, no it doesn’t sound fun and we really don’t want to drive 2 hours each way with a baby.  

I asked her if she had ever been there and she said no, I really want to go too.  I then said why don’t you come up one day with WOChrisL & I and we’ll show you around & go for a hike.  OK!!!  

 

 

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10 minutes ago, ChrisL said:

So update, we had dinner last night with my daughter, SIL and his mom. So Chris, doesn’t fishing in the mtns sound great?!?!   Yeah I’m going to defer this decision to the new dad.  I’m down with whatever Kam wants to do.  So Kam, doesn’t fishing in the mtns sound fun for Father’s Day????  

Uh no, no it doesn’t sound fun and we really don’t want to drive 2 hours each way with a baby.  

I asked her if she had ever been there and she said no, I really want to go too.  I then said why don’t you come up one day with WOChrisL & I and we’ll show you around & go for a hike.  OK!!!  

 

 

Perfect

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I wouldn't do it if you're putting a rod with a line and hook in the hands of a pain-in-the-but who's a newbie.

I've taken newbies fishing on the Chesapeake and take them to a spot where the water's a little warmer than avg., offshore from a coal power plant, and each fisherman can almost always catch at least a few fish within a couple hours where the depth finder suddenly shows a shelf that drops from 6' to 9', though the fish there are not always keepers.

I've had great newbies who were thrilled to experience catching fish and I've had some that vent their frustration that the fish are little - even though one guy in another boat held up a 30" rockfish (striped bass) he had just caught there.

I've never taken the gripers out a second time.

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