What are the advantages of being single?

[Randomguy]

I am newly single, btw.

[Longjohn ★]

No advantage that I know of. 

[Razors Edge ★]

5 minutes ago, Randomguy said:

I am newly single, btw.

WHOA...WHAT?!?!

DIDN'T YOU JUST GET A NEW COUCH?

[maddmaxx ★]

Being single means you don't have to sleep on the new couch.

[Razors Edge ★]

@bikeman564™ seems very agile at the "single guy living" lifestyle.  I think the ability to ride whenever you want would be nice.

[shootingstar]

Sorry to hear RG.  

Being single means knowing that you still like yourself.  If you don't have that, then lots of things look harder, when they really aren't.  Except benefits of cost-sharing and intimate matters.

I have concluded (imperfectly) so far, the older we get, we do develop strong preferences of how to live and certain views of the world.  Does that sound rigid?  I don't think so 'cause what is worse is knowingly entering into an intimate relationship and a person may strongly suppress some very positive natural things in self --just for the sake of another person.  And over a long time, for some couples, 1 of 2 people may suffer.  They may not know it then later it manifests in headaches, loss of sleep, mysterious weight problems, etc. 

I stress, it would be situations, related to a person's identity (who they are inherently and how they feel about that) or person has very strong natural and positive skills, which were never further developed, via more education, etc.  I know latter, is related to person's initiative, but in some situations, a spouse /children doesn't make it any easier to make big changes.

[jsharr ★]

Sorry man, that sucks.  

[Mr. Silly]

Sorry to read that RG.

Being single means you get the TV to yourself and you don't have to close the door when you poop.

[a bunch of numbers]

24 minutes ago, Randomguy said:

I am newly single, btw.

Well shit.  That's never fun.

[ChrisL]

Sorry man… I spose one benefit is you can eat pizza every day with what you like on it.  

[shootingstar]

44 minutes ago, Razors Edge said:

@bikeman564™ seems very agile at the "single guy living" lifestyle.  I think the ability to ride whenever you want would be nice.

Dearie and I always had and did exercise that freedom..to ride whenever person wanted. If other person not available, not a big deal. Went solo riding anyway...which helps living in a city with choice bike routes.

[a bunch of numbers]

24 minutes ago, Longjohn said:

No advantage that I know of. 

Not true.  There are huge advantages.

Funny story.  When I was newly single,.. real new..  I met some co-workers out on a Friday night in Raleigh.  When I got there, I couldn't find a place to park right away, but finally found a lot about a half block away with only a few cars in it.  Later, when I came out to go home, my truck was gone.  That's when I saw the no parking sign, my truck was towed.  I found a ride home.  The next morning I woke up and started thinking, "crap, how am I going to explain this?"  Then it hit me... "Wait... wtf do I have to explain this to?"  I got out of bed and called my friend to take me to get my truck.  "Sure, where is it?"  "I don't know yet."

[Randomguy]

1 minute ago, Razors Edge said:

WHOA...WHAT?!?!

DIDN'T YOU JUST GET A NEW COUCH?

No, looking.  The gf wanted a new couch, and so that process was initiated.   She thought it should be an instant process, I wanted a careful and unregretted process to be sure that overspending didn't happen, or we might get a couch that was too something or other or not enough something or other.  We'd be on it a lot, so it was important to find the right one, at least to me.   Oh well, I still have a crappy loveseat, so I am not sitting on the floor.

[Randomguy]

36 minutes ago, maddmaxx said:

Being single means you don't have to sleep on the new couch.

I slept on the old loveseat last night for a while.

[Randomguy]

23 minutes ago, Mr. Silly said:

you don't have to close the door when you poop.

I might just take the bathroom door off entirely.

[MickinMD ★]

It's like Linda Ronstadt's explanation of why she never married.

“I have no talent for marriage. Not a shred. I don’t like to compromise. If I want a pink sofa and somebody doesn’t want a pink sofa, I’m not going to go for that. I want the pink sofa.”

Similarly, I think I've been pushed into my own way of thinking and doing the couple times I briefly lived with women reinforced the fact that I'm just more comfortable on my own.

 

[TrentonMakes]

Sorry to hear, RG.  Benefits?

I can sleep until the crack of noon, midnight howling at the moon
Goin' out when I want, comin' home when I please
Don't have to ask permission if I wanna go out fishin'
Never have to ask for the keys

--Tom Waits, "Better Off Without A Wife"

[petitepedal ★]

If there is a mess  it's your mess 

Make plans without having to consult someone else's schedule.or preferences. 

[jsharr ★]

13 minutes ago, Randomguy said:

I might just take the bathroom door off entirely.

I would leave it up and put on hook on it so you have somewhere to hang your pants.

Things I am learning.  You can go where you want, when you want.  You can poop with the door open.  You can leave the toilet seat down.  Cooking for one is not that hard.  People deserve to be happy and it sucks to be stuck in a dead or one way relationship.  Letting go is hard.

[bikeman564™]

55 minutes ago, Razors Edge said:

@bikeman564™ seems very agile at the "single guy living" lifestyle.  I think the ability to ride whenever you want would be nice.

 

 

 

[bikeman564™]

1 hour ago, Randomguy said:

I am newly single, btw.

wtf ?

[bikeman564™]

32 minutes ago, shootingstar said:

Dearie and I always had and did exercise that freedom..to ride whenever person wanted. If other person not available, not a big deal. Went solo riding anyway...which helps living in a city with choice bike routes.

It's difficult to juggle riding a lot and dating someone who doesn't ride. I've done it and it's not easy.  That was a great thing about BCC. We would ride 100 miles together, and that was a date    Some people I ride with are married and ride a lot, but I suppose it's because married isn't dating, and the spouse has stuff do to to. I also ride w/ people who are a couple and ride together.  But as @Razors Edge mentioned, I can get up on a Saturday and ride as long as I want at whatever time. Because I don't have someone saying "but today is my aunt Gertrude's 80th birthday at 3, and all my cousins will be in town from Peoria"

[a bunch of numbers]

8 minutes ago, jsharr said:

You can leave the toilet seat down.

My toilet seat is up pretty much all the time.  I typically don't make plans to do anything, I just do what I feel like doing at the time.  I cook and eat what I want, when I want.  It's my choice of music and tv shows all the time.  My house, and everything in it, is mine. 

The down side?  Sometimes, after I leave work, I won't talk to anyone at all until I'm back at work the next day.  Sometimes, though not very often, that will span a weekend. 

My dog is great.

[jsharr ★]

1 minute ago, a bunch of numbers said:

My toilet seat is up pretty much all the time.  I typically don't make plans to do anything, I just do what I feel like doing at the time.  I cook and eat what I want, when I want.  It's my choice of music and tv shows all the time.  My house, and everything in it, is mine. 

The down side?  Sometimes, after I leave work, I won't talk to anyone at all until I'm back at work the next day.  Sometimes, though not very often, that will span a weekend. 

My dog is great.

I am learning to talk again.  Talked to an old friend for over an hour last night.   I have to talk during Scouts.  

[a bunch of numbers]

1 minute ago, jsharr said:

I am learning to talk again. 

This, I understand.

[Randomguy]

13 minutes ago, bikeman564™ said:

It's difficult to juggle riding a lot and dating someone who doesn't ride. I've done it and it's not easy.  That was a great thing about BCC. We would ride 100 miles together, and that was a date    Some people I ride with are married and ride a lot, but I suppose it's because married isn't dating, and the spouse has stuff do to to. I also ride w/ people who are a couple and ride together.  But as @Razors Edge mentioned, I can get up on a Saturday and ride as long as I want at whatever time. Because I don't have someone saying "but today is my aunt Gertrude's 80th birthday at 3, and all my cousins will be in town from Peoria"

This is very true, I hope my knees let me ride this year so I can enjoy that aspect!

I have found that this part isn't so bad when your SO has a background that had huge endurance fitness in there somewhere in the past, then they can relate even if they aren't currently fit or exercising.   The gf (now ex) has never been fit, near as I can tell.  She thinks she was when she took a few self-defense classes roughly 8 years ago, but I equate that to taking a 5 mile bike ride twice a week for a couple months and thinking you are fit.  Yeah, you are more fit than if you weren't doing that, but it just ain't real fitness in comparison.

People that have never really been fit can't imagine that I have enjoyed going on rides that cover huge chunks of ground over many hours and really pressing it, I miss that.

[bikeman564™]

8 minutes ago, Randomguy said:

People that have never really been fit can't imagine that I have enjoyed going on rides that cover huge chunks of ground over many hours and really pressing it, I miss that.

true

[Randomguy]

20 minutes ago, bikeman564™ said:

Some people I ride with are married and ride a lot, but I suppose it's because married isn't dating, and the spouse has stuff do to to.

I think it helps a lot if the non-riding SO has a lot of local friends or some hobbies/interests they can partake in.  This gf didn't have that. 

To her credit, and before my left knee started giving me lots of problems, she didn't put up a fuss about the rides I went on.  That was in the first year of dating, though, and we weren't living together then, so it might have been different if I was able to ride with her living here.

18 minutes ago, a bunch of numbers said:

My dog is great.

I wish I could have a dog whenever I think about it.

[ChrisL]

36 minutes ago, bikeman564™ said:

It's difficult to juggle riding a lot and dating someone who doesn't ride. I've done it and it's not easy.  That was a great thing about BCC. We would ride 100 miles together, and that was a date    Some people I ride with are married and ride a lot, but I suppose it's because married isn't dating, and the spouse has stuff do to to. I also ride w/ people who are a couple and ride together.  But as @Razors Edge mentioned, I can get up on a Saturday and ride as long as I want at whatever time. Because I don't have someone saying "but today is my aunt Gertrude's 80th birthday at 3, and all my cousins will be in town from Peoria"

This can be a double edged sword though.  WOChrisL likes to ride but is pretty much mechanically inept so I am forced to ride on the road at a distance & pace she wants to ride.  I’m basically her rolling pit crew for mechanicals. She refuses to ride off road so I struggle finding time to ride off road as two of my rides per week are road rides with her. 

On the flip side, I don’t get guff about accessories or cycling related stuff I want or need (mostly want) as she gets my bike lust. 

[Wilbur ★]

1 hour ago, Randomguy said:

I might just take the bathroom door off entirely.

Don't do that.  The toilette plume will engulf the whole place. 

[sheep_herder ★]

You don't have to worry about what you might say when talking in your sleep. Sorry for your loss!

[shootingstar]

52 minutes ago, ChrisL said:

This can be a double edged sword though.  WOChrisL likes to ride but is pretty much mechanically inept so I am forced to ride on the road at a distance & pace she wants to ride.  I’m basically her rolling pit crew for mechanicals. She refuses to ride off road so I struggle finding time to ride off road as two of my rides per week are road rides with her. 

On the flip side, I don’t get guff about accessories or cycling related stuff I want or need (mostly want) as she gets my bike lust. 

 

1 hour ago, bikeman564™ said:

It's difficult to juggle riding a lot and dating someone who doesn't ride. I've done it and it's not easy.  That was a great thing about BCC. We would ride 100 miles together, and that was a date    Some people I ride with are married and ride a lot, but I suppose it's because married isn't dating, and the spouse has stuff do to to. I also ride w/ people who are a couple and ride together.  But as @Razors Edge mentioned, I can get up on a Saturday and ride as long as I want at whatever time. Because I don't have someone saying "but today is my aunt Gertrude's 80th birthday at 3, and all my cousins will be in town from Peoria"

I have written about this as dearie's riding partner both on and off bike. Sharing Love, Cycling Passion and Idiosyncrasies – Cycle Write Blog (wordpress.com)

We weren't always the couple glued together on bike. He of course, was the person who helped return me to cycling, showed me all the bike routes across 3 cities. I felt incredibly blessed that at least he would wait for me at key turn-offs, so that I wouldn't miss him on an unfamiliar route. Then later, yes, I was the one cycling faster than him (which really wasn't that fast). But that never bothered him...since cycling and time together was more important than performance.  @ChrisL  I just go riding solo.  And quite honestly, yea I probably still need help with a busted tire.  But I'm riding in the city and can figure out how to get home via transit/taxi if something happens/no one is around immediately.   Alot of women/newbie cyclists worry about this and hence, they don't ride hardly at all. Which is a shame.

I know it helped him on his mega-solo bike touring rides, that he was able to talk to me every evening, wherever he was bike touring in the world on his big trips, since I was a cyclist too. And if he had long and difficult ride, he would know I knew how much effort it took of him.

I agree @Randomguy it is either the SO has a different passion where they are happy/need to be solo doing it (it doesn't have to be fitness ) / have some friends  or SO has engaged in some fitness activity in past/present.

However, RG, we're talking around the edges of real reason for break-up. And we don't need to  know.

[bikeman564™]

 

[petitepedal ★]

Apropos to RG's question

[maddmaxx ★]

[smudge ★]

1 hour ago, a bunch of numbers said:

My toilet seat is up pretty much all the time.  I typically don't make plans to do anything, I just do what I feel like doing at the time.  I cook and eat what I want, when I want.  It's my choice of music and tv shows all the time.  My house, and everything in it, is mine. 

The down side?  Sometimes, after I leave work, I won't talk to anyone at all until I'm back at work the next day.  Sometimes, though not very often, that will span a weekend. 

My dog is great.

My cat is great. We do things together, like putting out seeds for the woodland creatures.

 

[Dottleshead ★]

Come and goes as you please.  But if you have no place to go and the return trip back home to your empty nest feels really empty, then this doesn't mean much. However, you can also go gambling and blow all your dough without being reprimanded.

[JerrySTL ★]

3 hours ago, Randomguy said:

I am newly single, btw.

Again?

I haven't been single for almost 50 years so how the hell would I know?

[dinneR ★]

Sorry RG. 

My GF and I do some things together and some alone. We've done multi-day bikepacking trips, climbing, hiking, and skiing. We have not climbed the Grand together. Maybe this summer. 

Some days we will go mt. biking together and she will send me on a longer route or extra lap. Some of it we will ride together. When we ski, I am the sherpa carrying food and extra layers. Twice recently, I did give her the wrong ski poles. 

[Kirby]

Sorry, RG.  Transitions are never easy.

We had a widowed family member who carried on as if nobody had ever known her depth of suffering.  My Mom thought it was a bit much and so asked my Dad "name 5 things that would be better about your life if I died first?".  My Dad, being a smart man who had been married over 50 years at that point replied "not a single thing".  My Mom then pointed out that he'd no longer have to go to Garden Club meetings with her and he laughingly responded "that's so nice it should count for 2 of the 5"

I tend to believe a relationship with the right (for me) person is better than being single, but being single definitely beats a relationship with someone who isn't really right.  Some advantages:  I've lived in this house for over 25 years and there hasn't been a single fight here in all that time.  No silent treatment, no sulking and no sarcastic or insulting comments. No doors slamming - just peace and quiet when I get home.

I can also afford to be selfish in my habits.  If I want to eat out, sleep in, nap or watch dopey game shows from the 70's on tv, nobody is going to roll their eyes at me. Plus I don't have to listen to anyone else watching things all day that I think are annoying or stupid .

I also can prioritize my finances as I like. I don't have to spend money on trips that I don't really enjoy. Or buy cars or support other hobbies that I think are stupid.

I've known a lot of people who have mutually supportive and wonderful relationships, but I also know people who put up with a lot because they're afraid  or don't want to live on their own.  Ultimately, I think it's really about making the most and appreciating what you have, whatever that is.

 

 

[dinneR ★]

10 minutes ago, Kirby said:

Sorry, RG.  Transitions are never easy.

We had a widowed family member who carried on as if nobody had ever known her depth of suffering.  My Mom thought it was a bit much and so asked my Dad "name 5 things that would be better about your life if I died first?".  My Dad, being a smart man who had been married over 50 years at that point replied "not a single thing".  My Mom then pointed out that he'd no longer have to go to Garden Club meetings with her and he laughingly responded "that's so nice it should count for 2 of the 5"

I tend to believe a relationship with the right (for me) person is better than being single, but being single definitely beats a relationship with someone who isn't really right.  Some advantages:  I've lived in this house for over 25 years and there hasn't been a single fight here in all that time.  No silent treatment, no sulking and no sarcastic or insulting comments. No doors slamming - just peace and quiet when I get home.

I can also afford to be selfish in my habits.  If I want to eat out, sleep in, nap or watch dopey game shows from the 70's on tv, nobody is going to roll their eyes at me. Plus I don't have to listen to anyone else watching things all day that I think are annoying or stupid .

I also can prioritize my finances as I like. I don't have to spend money on trips that I don't really enjoy. Or buy cars or support other hobbies that I think are stupid.

I've known a lot of people who have mutually supportive and wonderful relationships, but I also know people who put up with a lot because they're afraid  or don't want to live on their own.  Ultimately, I think it's really about making the most and appreciating what you have, whatever that is.

As always, Kirby has the best answer.

Can I roll my eyes anyway, just for fun?

[Kzoo]

5 minutes ago, dinneR said:

Can I roll my eyes anyway, just for fun?

I did.

 

[shootingstar]

So will you do a bit more cycling, RG?  Or something else?

[Razors Edge ★]

24 minutes ago, dinneR said:

No silent treatment, no sulking and no sarcastic or insulting comments.

I thought you owned a cat?

[Kirby]

2 minutes ago, Razors Edge said:

I thought you owned a cat?

Nobody "owns" a cat.

[dinneR ★]

4 minutes ago, Razors Edge said:

I thought you owned a cat?

I think you quoted the wrong person. I do not own a cat nor are those my words.

[Razors Edge ★]

2 minutes ago, dinneR said:

I think you quoted the wrong person. I do not own a cat nor are those my words.

Yeah - I guess it does that when the quote was in your quote not her original posting.

[Razors Edge ★]

3 minutes ago, Kirby said:

Nobody "owns" a cat.

Maybe you share "space" with one?  Does it know how to give the silent treatment, sulk, or make a few sarcastic or insulting comments meows?

[MoseySusan]

13 minutes ago, dinneR said:

I think you quoted the wrong person. I do not own a cat nor are those my words.

Wow. It’s Kirby, but the tag says dinner. How’d you manage that @Razors Edge? 

[Kirby]

4 minutes ago, Razors Edge said:

Maybe you share "space" with one?  Does it know how to give the silent treatment, sulk, or make a few sarcastic or insulting comments meows?

She is a stray cat who was pregnant and hungry on the streets of the Bronx - she's still thrilled to be living the good life and isn't about to risk her source of treats.

Another advantage to being single - you can have pets or not as you like, without worrying about your partner's allergies or if they do/don't want pets.