dinneR ★ Posted January 22 Share #1 Posted January 22 What say you guys? Do you have male friends you see on a regular basis. My GF told me I had to find some of my own friends. I joined a cycling club. In the winter, I ski with a group of about eight guys. When I lived in Mpls, I didn't know a lot of people so I joined two Meet-ups. I met some great people that way. https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/why-a-growing-number-of-american-men-say-they-are-in-a-friendship-recession?utm_source=pocket-newtab-en-us American men are stuck in what’s been dubbed a friendship recession, with 20 percent of single men now saying they don’t have any close friends. More than half of all men report feeling unsatisfied with the size of their friend groups. Geoff Bennett traveled to Phoenix to take a closer look at the implications of male loneliness and how some men are confronting it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheep_herder ★ Posted January 22 Share #2 Posted January 22 I am very happy with the few (5)I have, and don't crave more. Really see them infrequently, but talk periodically on the phone. See the one that helps me load the hay trailer weekly. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilbur ★ Posted January 22 Share #3 Posted January 22 I have two really good friends I have had since grade school. Beyond that, mainly cycling friends, work associates and neighbours, most of whom I don't care to spend a ton of time with. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffJim Posted January 22 Share #4 Posted January 22 I have one pretty close buddy, but we’re not cut from the same cloth, just that we worked closely for 7 years and his family felt like my 2nd family when I was single. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffJim Posted January 22 Share #5 Posted January 22 I had a co-worker, Frank, a mid 50s Chinese American. He’d asked me to go hiking with him every weekend. But he quit after a year and moved out of town. I enjoyed those outings. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted January 22 Share #6 Posted January 22 Definitely mine has shrunk. I only had one or two good friends at any time but my one buddy moved to Idaho and my other friend lives in Montana. So I have formed some solid acquaintances but the fact I show up here so much may be a good indication? 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BuffJim Posted January 22 Popular Post Share #7 Posted January 22 1 minute ago, Dottleshead said: Definitely mine has shrunk. I only had one or two good friends at any time but my one buddy moved to Idaho and my other friend lives in Montana. So I have formed some solid acquaintances but the fact I show up here so much may be a good indication? We’re the friends you never had. 2 1 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted January 22 Share #8 Posted January 22 7 minutes ago, Wilbur said: I have two really good friends I have had since grade school. Beyond that, mainly cycling friends, work associates and neighbours, most of whom I don't care to spend a ton of time with. This it would seem would be the typical male social circle? It’s basically mine — assuming that’s normal. Based on that article we’re doing alright— even if both friends now live out of state. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted January 22 Share #9 Posted January 22 2 minutes ago, BuffJim said: We’re the friends you never had. Working for me… 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Allen ★ Posted January 22 Popular Post Share #10 Posted January 22 I'm about to be in a whole new world figuring this out again. 3 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Wilbur ★ Posted January 22 Popular Post Share #11 Posted January 22 Shu Fang is my BFF. 2 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dinneR ★ Posted January 22 Author Share #12 Posted January 22 1 minute ago, Allen said: I'm about to be in a whole new world figuring this out again. Good luck. I've enjoyed making new friends. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Further Posted January 22 Share #13 Posted January 22 I have guy's Mostly from work, some from clubs, some from bars, but just guys I know. No real friends anymore. I do have family 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrAzY Posted January 22 Share #14 Posted January 22 I have none... like Zero, Zip, Zilch... I somehow cant find any that are into all the stupid things I like to do.. I might have one when I join DORBA (Dallas Off Road Biking Association). I'm not holding my breath on that happening either 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kzoo Posted January 22 Share #15 Posted January 22 43 minutes ago, Wilbur said: Shu Fang is my BFF. Mine too 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longjohn ★ Posted January 22 Share #16 Posted January 22 I had guy friends I’d race with or ride motorcycles with when I was young and single. I had church friends too. When I got married I didn’t need to do stuff with guys. We had kids and foster kids and I worked a lot. When I wasn’t working I spent my time with my family. I have a couple guy friends now but we don’t hang out together much. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisL Posted January 22 Share #17 Posted January 22 My best friend that wasn’t family died young of a heart attack. I still keep in touch with his widow though. Other than my cousins, nah no real friends. It works for me tho. Edit: I have my Army buddy that I keep in touch with too but he’s in NC so we haven’t seen each other in a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shu Fang Bastard ★ Posted January 22 Share #18 Posted January 22 @Kzoo is my guy friend. I really like him. Like, alot. Couch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kzoo Posted January 22 Share #19 Posted January 22 11 minutes ago, Shu Fang said: @Kzoo is my guy friend. I really like him. Like, alot. Couch How about Wilbur? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
groupw Posted January 22 Share #20 Posted January 22 I have a few friends who I can drop my guard and just pick up where we left off. But that is just a few. One lives down here in Scottsdale, another in Omaha and another In Florida. The one in Scottsdale is 13 years older and he is losing a step in some respects. The one in Omaha was great because we had known the woman he married for decades. She was a widow when our boys played Little League together. So rare when everyone likes each other equally well! They have a lot of grandkids which caused them to have other priorities, but it’s still great when we get together. the friend in Florida and I were very close. We could talk about anything…and did. They had moved to Nebraska to help her dad as he was dying and to handle other family duties. He didn’t care for some of her family so he would visit with me when he had had enough of them. He doesn’t do phone or social media so his wife relays things to me. She really hopes we stay close because she said he really valued our friendship. So many men seem to have to put up a facade and it’s difficult to get them to drop their guard. I will even admit to doing that on occasion. Makes it hard for friendships to get real. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted January 22 Share #21 Posted January 22 19 minutes ago, groupw said: So many men seem to have to put up a facade and it’s difficult to get them to drop their guard. I will even admit to doing that on occasion. Makes it hard for friendships to get real. Groupw, I was really intrigued by dearie. He was "close" to his brother (10 yrs. younger) in Pennsylvania...up to a certain point. There were 1-2 areas he was pissed off. But otherwise ok, I guess. Dearie, for remaining 25 yrs., he rarely went for group rides like some guys did often/regularily. Some guys also involved in cycling advocacy, they would have drinks together. That was all. But many of same guys didn't even know he had 2 grown children. These guys told me this..after he died. And he was proud of his children with very good parent-child relationships. So maybe dearie was more "task" oriented in talking about things in common, with other guys. Anyway.... dearie happily biked off on his own daily and 80% of his trips across North America and Europe..solo. So a great socialable loner, striking out on his own, his own path apart. No problem, laying out big problems to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted January 22 Share #22 Posted January 22 @dinneR good that your partner has suggested. I didn't bother simply because dearie seemed to me, happy and gracious to those who he loved and cared /was in contact..several times/wk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dinneR ★ Posted January 22 Author Share #23 Posted January 22 Just now, shootingstar said: @dinneR good that your partner has suggested. I didn't bother simply because dearie seemed to me, happy and gracious to those who he loved and cared /was in contact..several times/wk. I think it is part of a healthy relationship. We do a lot together. We spend a lot of time together. There are times when she will send me off to ride or ski with friends. She has plenty of close woman friends and I respect that and give her space to spend time with them. We both recognize that we need these relationships outside of ours. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bikeguy Posted January 22 Share #24 Posted January 22 Back when I was single I had friends. (That was a long time ago.) Then I got married. I worked a LOT. After work WoBG and our daughter kept me more than busy. At first I kept in contact with most of them. but slowly we had less contact. I was down to only 2 friends. The 2 good fiends I did have, one died of a rare cancer just after I retired. The other... lets just say we ultimately had one too many political conversations. WoBG and I visit with 2 other couples from time to time. But that's not the same, and that's OK. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilbur ★ Posted January 22 Share #25 Posted January 22 6 hours ago, Kzoo said: How about Wilbur? It's ok. Justin T is my real bro anyways. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted January 22 Share #26 Posted January 22 9 hours ago, BuffJim said: I have one pretty close buddy, but we’re not cut from the same cloth, just that we worked closely for 7 years and his family felt like my 2nd family when I was single. Very similar for me but we worked together aboot 16 years. Another one who was sort of my mentor moved away and we eventually lost touch. He loved Pat Benatar so we were concert buddies for a while. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted January 22 Share #27 Posted January 22 7 hours ago, Bikeguy said: The other... lets just say we ultimately had one too many political conversations. Same for me, very disappointing. More like a political monologue. I kept my mouth shut. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parr8hed Posted January 22 Share #28 Posted January 22 Emmy’s travel coach. We ride to a lot of the tourneys together. We’ve been through a lot. He’s the one that was in the boat with me when I almost died in Colorado. He’s a good dude. I also have a few friends from high school that I see occasionally. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted January 22 Share #29 Posted January 22 7 minutes ago, Parr8hed said: He’s the one that was in the boat with me when I almost died in Colorado. Did you tell us aboot that? In my defense, I have CRAFT disease. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bikeman564™ Posted January 22 Share #30 Posted January 22 I have one really good friend, but he moved across state, to @Kzooville. We get together couple times a year now, but in our 20s we were together pretty much every weekend. I have a lot of bike friends, but far as a close friend to just hang out with I don't have that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffJim Posted January 22 Share #31 Posted January 22 @dinneR This is a really good thread. 🧵 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parsnip Totin Jack ★ Posted January 22 Share #32 Posted January 22 Not many anymore. I had a pretty good social life when I worked at Navy Federal and part time at the LBs. Since retirement, not so much. Moving to Warrenton makes it difficult as the perception is that I’m far away when it’s only 30 miles. I know a couple guys I meet up with a few times a year for rides and beers. I view this as my new reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Parr8hed Posted January 22 Popular Post Share #33 Posted January 22 1 hour ago, Ralphie said: Did you tell us aboot that? In my defense, I have CRAFT disease. I don't know if I did or not? 2 years ago. Softball tourney in Colorado. Team elected to do a whitewater rafting deal. We all went up to Clear Creek. About 8,800 ft in elevation. No moms went, just dads & daughters. Water temp of 38. Air temp was 66. We got plenty of instruction on what to do if you fell out or had emergencies. We had life jackets, wet suits, helmets, etc. We all thought it was way overkill. We thought it was going to be some touristy thing that was way safe and presented as a "real mountain experience". It wasn't. It WAS the real mountain experience. We were going through some rough water and doing great. It was me, coach Coop and Em and his daughter in the boat with a guide. I don't know what happened. We went into a hole and popped out just fine. One minute I was in the boat, one minute I was in the water. It wasn't very deep but it was a STRONG current. I could not do anything except ball up and try to avoid boulders. It ripped me around for about 5 minutes. Bouncing me off rocks and over ledges. I actually started getting the hang of it, going down on my back, keeping my legs out in front of me. Until a boulder slammed me in the ass. That hurt. I finally worked my way over to the side and was able to grip onto a boulder and pull myself up and out of the water. I took literally every ounce of strength I had to keep my grip on that rock. I then felt a hand on my arm of the girl in the follow truck that had scrambled down the embankment to grab a hold of me. I pulled myself out and stood up on the rock to catch my breath. I looked at our boat that had managed to hold up on the other side of the creek to see Emmy break out in tears. She later told me that she thought she had lost me. She hugged me awfully tight when we finally met up at the end of the trip. I got into the follow truck with the heater on and just could not stop shaking. We went back to the place where we were staying and I got undressed and had some pretty good marks, scrapes and bruises all over myself. The wife was like WTF happened. That is when I told her the story. The next day we were talking to the tourney director and he stated that every year they warn people not to raft, and every year it seems like at least one parent gets killed while rafting. Jenny told me "I am glad it was you". There were several dads on our trip that probably would not have made it. I am convinced that military training and just being strong from lifting/riding/swimming are the only reasons that I did get back out of that water. I could easily see someone just giving in to it and drowning. So yea, that is the time I almost died in Colorado. 2 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longjohn ★ Posted January 22 Share #34 Posted January 22 Next time do the Ohiopyle in Pennsylvania in the summer. At least the water will be warmer. People still die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parr8hed Posted January 22 Share #35 Posted January 22 Just now, Longjohn said: Next time do the Ohiopyle in Pennsylvania in the summer. At least the water will be warmer. People still die. I think that I will sit in a chair with a cold beer watching the others. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BR46 Posted January 22 Share #36 Posted January 22 That circle has gotten a lot smaller over the years. Years ago there were a few friends that we would hang out in the garage working on motorcycles, go racing and now it's just me and Wo46 against the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted January 22 Share #37 Posted January 22 3 minutes ago, Parr8hed said: I think that I will sit in a chair with a cold beer watching the others. Eggzactly! I did one whitewater trip on the Lehigh River and lived to tell aboot it and managed to stay in the raft. That was a harrowing story! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MickinMD ★ Posted January 22 Share #38 Posted January 22 I have a few male friends, mostly whom I've known since childhood. If I end up joining the local Senior Center or join a political, Elks, etc. clubs, I always get involved into helping the organization and make friends that way. But I'm too busy with other things now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shu Fang Bastard ★ Posted January 22 Share #39 Posted January 22 13 hours ago, Kzoo said: How about Wilbur? What about him? Couch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted January 22 Share #40 Posted January 22 I work with one of my closest friends, so I see him daily. I have some good scouting friends but I only see them for scouting. I am becoming a reclusive hermit and seldom go out on evenings or weekends socially. I think about this often and it makes me sad. I fear no one will come to my funeral, so I probably won't have one. Just cremation and hopefully someone picks up my ashes and does something respectful with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12string Posted January 22 Share #41 Posted January 22 Interesting question. I have a bunch of friends that are guys. I have a bunch of friends that are girls. My wife and I do so many things together, I don't really think of the difference. Hockey might be the exception, but other than games, we don't hang out all that often. and even at hockey, sometimes there's girls. I did a "just guys" golf trip last year, probably the only time in quite a while the point was "just guys" I even have trouble defining a "best friend", guy or girl, I do have a lot of very close friends. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dinneR ★ Posted January 22 Author Share #42 Posted January 22 5 minutes ago, jsharr said: I work with one of my closest friends, so I see him daily. I have some good scouting friends but I only see them for scouting. I am becoming a reclusive hermit and seldom go out on evenings or weekends socially. I think about this often and it makes me sad. I fear no one will come to my funeral, so I probably won't have one. Just cremation and hopefully someone picks up my ashes and does something respectful with them. We got you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted January 22 Share #43 Posted January 22 12 minutes ago, dinneR said: We got you Bottoms up. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zephyr Posted January 22 Share #44 Posted January 22 It is a complicated question for me. If I needed to move a fridge, there are about 10 guys I could call who would help at a moments notice, or guys I would drop everything to go help. I am not really a "Let's go grab a beer" kind of guy, but there are things we all like to do together. Sitting and chatting is not one of them. I am not sure if you count that as friends or just other guys who like to do what I do and I can count on. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
groupw Posted January 22 Share #45 Posted January 22 2 hours ago, 12string said: Interesting question. I have a bunch of friends that are guys. I have a bunch of friends that are girls. My wife and I do so many things together, I don't really think of the difference. Hockey might be the exception, but other than games, we don't hang out all that often. and even at hockey, sometimes there's girls. I did a "just guys" golf trip last year, probably the only time in quite a while the point was "just guys" I even have trouble defining a "best friend", guy or girl, I do have a lot of very close friends. Thank you. Sometimes I feel closer to lady friends than the guys. Normally nothing more to it than that. WoW is welcome to join when we get together and often does. I guess so many years of working with women and often being in a minority as a guy made getting comfortable (and accepted) by the ladies easier. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted January 22 Share #46 Posted January 22 37 minutes ago, groupw said: Thank you. Sometimes I feel closer to lady friends than the guys. Normally nothing more to it than that. WoW is welcome to join when we get together and often does. I guess so many years of working with women and often being in a minority as a guy made getting comfortable (and accepted) by the ladies easier. I worked in a female dominated profession my whole career. I have noticed guy equivalents in my career and professional associations, have personalities and styles that make them great colleagues: they don't overtalk on top a woman, listen well and know how to joke well /yet screen out female stuff (which that type of chat, doesn't actually happen much among a bunch of university educated women professionals). But they also learned early from being enrolled in the same educational programs as their female colleagues. However for at least 75% of my different employers, my clients were 75% men. (engineering, law/judges, etc.) There are often some distinct gender differences in the workplace and having a coffee yaaking about stuff --in how people even joke gently among colleagues, etc., and socialize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airehead Posted January 22 Share #47 Posted January 22 21 hours ago, Wilbur said: Shu Fang is my BFF. Mine too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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