Reverend_Maynard Posted August 16, 2019 Share #1 Posted August 16, 2019 It seems I once again have a tragic tale to tell... One that leaves me wracked, and lonely. Again, I turn to the LF for companionship and understanding... I met Wendy a little over a year ago. We were playing a game where you could get ahead if you agreed to swap wins and losses with another player. I was a prolific swapper, always on the lookout for more swapping friends. So, I put out the call on a public chat to see if anyone wanted to swap. Wendy replied, and we did our thing. We had a little chit chat, as I often did with my swapping friends, and went on our ways. Over the next couple of months we would run into each more and more, always on Friday night (Saturday morning in NZ) and Saturday. And we would chat more and more... just about our daily lives, nothing heavy.. And then we started planning the times we would get together to swap on the weekends. Soon, we found a better medium to have our conversations, and figured out our time zone issues so we could talk and play together all week long. Slowly getting to know each other better, talking about wider, deeper topics, we chatted more and more. The focus shifted more and more from the game to each others lives, triumphs and tragedies. And one day she called me "gorgeous". Except she swore then, and again later, she had never seen my picture. She could just tell.. her instinct had told her and it was always right. She could see it in my posts. I should have known then to listen to her. In October of 2018, I went on a business trip for a week,that became several weeks, all with me working what was 3rd shift for me. Suddenly we had hours of time when we were both awake and could really get in to some deep conversations. And during that time, I began to realize that we were not just internet pen pals, but so much more. I say "I began to realize" because her instinct had already told her... She only had to wait for me to realize it too. And so we began to talk of what we would like to do together, if we were not separated by 20 thousand KMs. Places we would go, things we would see, meals we would eat, drinks we would drink, embraces we would share. And through all of that wonderful time of discovery, it seemed we always found we fit better than even we had known before. We had grown up halfway around the world, lived very different lives... but what we believed in now and wanted from life going forward was in perfect synch. For Christmas, I "gave" Wendy a Discord server... a chat room playground all to ourselves, where we were in complete control, and completely alone together. I setup different channels for chat, for pictures, music, stories we had written, you name it... And we filled it! Whenever we were both awake and not working we were chatting in there, or posting videos, or pics of our latest culinary masterpieces. When we found a new topic that intrigued us, that we wanted to explore without losing it in our everyday chatter, we made a new channel. "Adulting" for topics that could be uncomfortable but needed to be talked about... "One New Thing" to share our little secrets, anything we did not already know about each other. And so, though we had never met in person, we had an extraordinary level of communication and openness. Discord has a library of short video clips meant to convey an emotion or idea... one of our favorites was a picture of 2 puzzle pieces, one labeled "You" and the other one "Me", and they fit together perfectly. We were like those puzzle pieces... the only 2 in a puzzle of billions that fit perfectly together...not identical.... complimentary. Blending so seamlessly that together, we were as one. Or so we fancied ourselves. Yet I was a Doubting Thomas still..."What if?" I insisted... "What if I smell funny?" "What if you don't like the way I kiss?" "What if I'm too tall? too short? too fat? too skinny?" Always she "knew" that her instincts were right. But still, she understood my doubts, recognized that anyone would think it was crazy for 2 people from so far apart to think they knew it all. And so, in March or April of this year, we decided on "October". In October we would finally meet. Because she had more time off of work, it was decided that she would travel to meet me, so that we could have every possible moment together, rather than waste the time it would take me to get to a midway point. And the planning was on. We had so much fun planning what we would do... still always finding that we were in synch on what we wanted to do, all the activities, to the way we would schedule them... Spreadsheets for dates and times of reservations, spreadsheets for activities, countdown timers for when she would arrive in Boston. And "October" was our key word for it all. It represented the time when we would finally fulfill the promise of our delayed utopia. And my only regret is that we did not schedule it for sooner. The moments we could have had together, moments I would give anything for, were squandered while we toiled in the traces of our daily lives, never realizing that each day was one less we would have. That we would, in fact, have none. I don't know how I will pick up the pieces that are left of my shattered heart, but I know that Wendy would not want me to give up, or give in. She would kick my ass, in fact...And so I will go on, but it will never be the same. There will never be another Wendy. There is only one perfect match in the puzzle. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend_Maynard Posted August 16, 2019 Author Share #2 Posted August 16, 2019 TLDR: My friend Wendy, who lived in NZ, and whom I had planned to meet for the first time to explore the possibility that we would be together long term in October, suffered a ruptured aneurysm and died early in the morning on Monday, 8/12/19. She was only 42 years old. 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Razors Edge ★ Posted August 16, 2019 Share #3 Posted August 16, 2019 So sorry for your loss From your story, though, you did get some great memories. Still, very sad to hear. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Far ★ Posted August 16, 2019 Share #4 Posted August 16, 2019 OMG, I am so sorry RM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted August 16, 2019 Share #5 Posted August 16, 2019 I really don’t know what to say, that is horrible! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted August 16, 2019 Share #6 Posted August 16, 2019 DAMN! That is horrible news. So sorry for your loss, brother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisL Posted August 16, 2019 Share #7 Posted August 16, 2019 Wow, just wow..... so sorry to hear that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend_Maynard Posted August 16, 2019 Author Share #8 Posted August 16, 2019 11 minutes ago, Razors Edge said: So sorry for your loss From your story, though, you did get some great memories. Still, very sad to hear. Thank you. Yes, we did! Currently, they are haunting me, but some day I will be able to cherish them properly, I hope. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12string Posted August 16, 2019 Share #9 Posted August 16, 2019 oh, wow, I don't even know what to say. Just some prayers, I guess. So sorry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffJim Posted August 16, 2019 Share #10 Posted August 16, 2019 How did you find out about it? Sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrentonMakes Posted August 16, 2019 Share #11 Posted August 16, 2019 that's awful... I'm so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allen ★ Posted August 16, 2019 Share #12 Posted August 16, 2019 Very sorry for your loss. Condolences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend_Maynard Posted August 16, 2019 Author Share #13 Posted August 16, 2019 2 minutes ago, BuffJim said: How did you find out about it? Sorry for your loss. Early the week before, she had a feeling that something was wrong. Said she could feel her blood pressure was too high, like a buzzing feeling in her head. And so she made an appointment with her doctor for Friday. Sure enough her pressure was too high... Having already survived an aneurysm once before, they did a scan and found another, unruptured but very close. They immediately checked her in and limited her movement as much as possible. After a few other tests and consultations, it was decided to fly her to another hospital where they would do a procedure called "coiling", whereby they use tiny titanium coils to induce a clot to block off the aneurysm from the the blood flow, relieving the pressure. She then notified her son of what was up, and he came to the hospital to stay with her, and go to the other hospital. During that time they talked, and she told him about me. She even told him that she loved me, though we hadn't told each other... She also told him that she I thought I felt the same, which I was very glad of. I never told her. We were both saving it for October.. She gave him my contact info in case something went wrong. I will never forget that morning... I woke at 3am, knowing she should probably be out of the surgery. I checked the discord server, and there was only her final message as they came to take her to the OR. Her final message "I <little heart emoji> you". I knew then it had been too long... it is a relatively minor procedure if all goes right. So, I closed discord and pulled up gmail... There was an email, and right in the inbox i could see: From... Nick (her son), Subject: Mum, And just one line of the body: "Hello <Rev>, There is no easy way to tell you." and the phone just fell from my fingers. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petitepedal ★ Posted August 16, 2019 Share #14 Posted August 16, 2019 So sorry...sending you hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted August 16, 2019 Share #15 Posted August 16, 2019 I cannot and do not want to imagine this. So very sorry brother. I seldom offer to pray anymore, as it can come across as empty and hollow. but I will be praying for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donkpow Posted August 16, 2019 Share #16 Posted August 16, 2019 That's a heart breaker. Sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rattlecan ★ Posted August 16, 2019 Share #17 Posted August 16, 2019 Very sad to hear. Sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted August 16, 2019 Share #18 Posted August 16, 2019 Well, shit. A Shakespearean tragedy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend_Maynard Posted August 16, 2019 Author Share #19 Posted August 16, 2019 Thank you so much for all the well wishes, everyone. It is cathartic for me to write, and know others will read it. Wendy will live on in all of our memories. And @jsharr, even though I am not religious, it is the thought that counts and I accept your prayers in the spirit they are given. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airehead Posted August 16, 2019 Share #20 Posted August 16, 2019 Oh dear, deepest condolences on the loss of a very important person in your life. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Square Wheels Posted August 17, 2019 Share #21 Posted August 17, 2019 So very very sorry. You just never know when it's your time. Far too young. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 17, 2019 Share #22 Posted August 17, 2019 Sorry for your loss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted August 17, 2019 Share #23 Posted August 17, 2019 A haunting loss, Rev. I'm sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirby Posted August 17, 2019 Share #24 Posted August 17, 2019 Very sorry to read this. I hope time brings you peace and an ability to think of your memories with happiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
groupw Posted August 17, 2019 Share #25 Posted August 17, 2019 Very sorry Rev. I was very moved by what you 2 were developing. Devastated for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend_Maynard Posted August 17, 2019 Author Share #26 Posted August 17, 2019 Her funeral, which is being held as a party at her house is going on right now. in about ::30 her son will read a version of that story to her friends and family. Many of them knowing nothing of me. I'll be having a drink of bourbon in her honor, and hanging with my online friends. thank you for being here, all of you ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrapr ★ Posted August 17, 2019 Share #27 Posted August 17, 2019 Oh, Reverend I'm so very sorry. The mighta beens and the woulda coulda are the worst Since you don't want prayers may I send some good thoughts & vibes? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend_Maynard Posted August 17, 2019 Author Share #28 Posted August 17, 2019 ofc, Scrapr... I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MickinMD ★ Posted August 17, 2019 Share #29 Posted August 17, 2019 So sorry. A close woman friend of mine had an inoperable brain aneurysm and lived with that ticking time bomb from about age 40 to age 50 when it finally burst and she died in moments. She did not let it destroy her great, positive mental attitude in life and she left her daughter-in-law and grandson with a good inheritance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prophet Zacharia Posted August 17, 2019 Share #30 Posted August 17, 2019 I’m so very sorry, @Reverend_Maynard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend_Maynard Posted August 20, 2019 Author Share #31 Posted August 20, 2019 I have been emailing, and now chatting on Discord, with Wendy's son, Nick. What a great kid, and really, my lifeline and savior throughout. Without him I would know nothing, let alone been able to provide a eulogy that he was gracious enough to read to the family. Her mother and sisters wrote me a thank you note, which he transcribed for me. I found out last night that Wendy left me a handwritten note! Can I describe how my heart started pounding? How my breath caught in my throat? No, I don't think so. ? He is going to mail it to me, along with a couple of items she had bought for my birthday, to be presented in October, and a small notebook that seems to have some of the planning from our October trip in it. I wonder how long it takes to mail something from New Zealand to the east coast of the US? 20k KMs as the crow flies. ? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisL Posted August 20, 2019 Share #32 Posted August 20, 2019 22 minutes ago, Reverend_Maynard said: I have been emailing, and now chatting on Discord, with Wendy's son, Nick. What a great kid, and really, my lifeline and savior throughout. Without him I would know nothing, let alone been able to provide a eulogy that he was gracious enough to read to the family. Her mother and sisters wrote me a thank you note, which he transcribed for me. I found out last night that Wendy left me a handwritten note! Can I describe how my heart started pounding? How my breath caught in my throat? No, I don't think so. ? He is going to mail it to me, along with a couple of items she had bought for my birthday, to be presented in October, and a small notebook that seems to have some of the planning from our October trip in it. I wonder how long it takes to mail something from New Zealand to the east coast of the US? 20k KMs as the crow flies. ? Wow, that’s great that her son is doing that. How long will it take? I don’t know but regardless it will seem like an eternity... Be sure you are emotionally ready to open it when it arrives. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Reverend_Maynard Posted September 4, 2019 Author Popular Post Share #33 Posted September 4, 2019 It's here... I will wait for the wee hours of tomorrow morning to open the letter. 3 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airehead Posted September 4, 2019 Share #34 Posted September 4, 2019 I think of you often. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend_Maynard Posted September 6, 2019 Author Share #35 Posted September 6, 2019 On 9/4/2019 at 7:22 PM, Airehead said: I think of you often. Thank you for saying so... My world has gotten a lot lonelier lately, and it helps to know there are people out there who care. I read the note... It was everything I expected it to be and more... So heart warming, and yet so heart breaking at the same time. At the end she drew a heart, and in it says "WN loves EP". I want to find a tree that will live a thousand years, and carve that into it... 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airehead Posted September 6, 2019 Share #36 Posted September 6, 2019 I love the idea of carving it into a tree in a quiet woods Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend_Maynard Posted September 27, 2019 Author Share #37 Posted September 27, 2019 Her flight is due to land in Boston in about 45 mins... It's a beautiful fall day, not a cloud in the sky... Perfect for watching the planes come and go from the beach near Logan, as we had planned. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrentonMakes Posted September 27, 2019 Share #38 Posted September 27, 2019 Wishing you the strength to turn today into something positive. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend_Maynard Posted September 27, 2019 Author Share #39 Posted September 27, 2019 I don;t know about that... I am not feeling very strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Reverend_Maynard Posted August 12, 2020 Author Popular Post Share #40 Posted August 12, 2020 Well, it has been one year since Wendy's passing... I still miss her so much, though not as sharply. Mostly I reflect on what might have been... Yesterday was also the 10 year anniversary of my father's passing. Those that know me from the LF probably recall that tale. I have been working hard on my self-care this year... I started talking to a therapist and tried to explore different areas of philosophy and spirituality to try to understand my own world view and what it means to me, my present and future... I've lost about 60lbs and gotten as fit as I've ever been in my life, eating healthy and exercising regularly (some might say excessively lol). I feel so much better mentally and physically! There is still work to do, and I must take care not to fall back into complacency, but overall things are looking up. My sincere thanks to all who have provided support and compassion during some of my lowest moments in life, giving me strength to make it through to the other side. I really appreciate it! E 3 1 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirby Posted August 12, 2020 Share #41 Posted August 12, 2020 Hugs, Reverend. Glad to hear things are looking up. Grief takes time and can still hit you in unexpected ways for unexpected reasons, but it's a good sign when the "good" days outweigh the bad. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petitepedal ★ Posted August 12, 2020 Share #42 Posted August 12, 2020 Hugs to you and wow give yourself a lot of credit for the things you have done..even if you think you have more to do..you have taken some huge steps and accomplished a lot. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airehead Posted August 13, 2020 Share #43 Posted August 13, 2020 I admire you. Enjoy being kind to yourself. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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