Randomguy Posted December 13, 2019 Share #1 Posted December 13, 2019 Coworkers wife is near death from cancer, severe sepsis, kidney failure, lungs filling with fluid, white blood cells not coming back from organ failure, all the good stuff. Has family flying in, 12 year old son, etc. at the bedside, so it is a matter of hours or days. It isn't unexpected, she is young at less than 40 years old, and it sucks, and I am chatting with him over Teams and I have no idea what to tell him to comfort him, so I am thinking I will tell him "you're next" as a distraction/diversion. Ok, just kidding on that last little bit, What I will say will be appropriate for the situation. You can still laugh at my comment though, it is funny as hell (if you are me). What do you think happens to you at death? I suspect that we die and consciousness ends and that is pretty much it. You go to sleep and just don't wake up and no more. I would love to believe that consciousness continues somehow, you continue existing as energy, reincarnation, or any other of that hippy stuff, but I think it is the final wishful delusion of the masses when you get down to it. What do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allen ★ Posted December 13, 2019 Share #2 Posted December 13, 2019 Exactly the same as before we were born. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddmaxx ★ Posted December 13, 2019 Share #3 Posted December 13, 2019 4 minutes ago, Randomguy said: Coworkers wife is near death from cancer, severe sepsis, kidney failure, lungs filling with fluid, white blood cells not coming back from organ failure, all the good stuff. Has family flying in, 12 year old son, etc. at the bedside, so it is a matter of hours or days. It isn't unexpected, she is young at less than 40 years old, and it sucks, and I am chatting with him over Teams and I have no idea what to tell him to comfort him, so I am thinking I will tell him "you're next" as a distraction/diversion. Ok, just kidding on that last little bit, What I will say will be appropriate for the situation. You can still laugh at my comment though, it is funny as hell (if you are me). What do you think happens to you at death? I suspect that we die and consciousness ends and that is pretty much it. You go to sleep and just don't wake up and no more. I would love to believe that consciousness continues somehow, you continue existing as energy, reincarnation, or any other of that hippy stuff, but I think it is the final wishful delusion of the masses when you get down to it. What do you think? It sucks and I'm going to be really grumpy and pissed off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parsnip Totin Jack ★ Posted December 13, 2019 Share #4 Posted December 13, 2019 I’m not sure but I expect that there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth. And much rejoicing. That’s about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Far ★ Posted December 13, 2019 Share #5 Posted December 13, 2019 Sto-Vo-Kor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Silly Posted December 13, 2019 Share #6 Posted December 13, 2019 Things I wouldn't say are along the lines of, "She'll be a better place" or "She's with God now" or "You'll be in my prayers." Those types of comments are trite and worthless. I've had good responses by offering assistance. Not the open ended, "If there's anything you need..." type crap. That statement is as trite as "She's in a better place". Offer something specific, "I know you've got a lot going on, could I drop off some groceries" is a great offer and provide real assistance. Same with, "You've got to get back on the horse so I found a nice prostitute for you". 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indy Posted December 13, 2019 Share #7 Posted December 13, 2019 When we die, I think we are dead after that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parr8hed Posted December 13, 2019 Share #8 Posted December 13, 2019 i hope i get a big boner 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Road Runner Posted December 13, 2019 Share #9 Posted December 13, 2019 I am hoping my back will stop hurting. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted December 13, 2019 Author Share #10 Posted December 13, 2019 4 minutes ago, Parr8hed said: i hope i get a big boner Me, too! Enjoy your boner. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naomi Posted December 13, 2019 Share #11 Posted December 13, 2019 6 minutes ago, Parr8hed said: i hope i get a big boner As the cause of death? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parr8hed Posted December 13, 2019 Share #12 Posted December 13, 2019 Just now, Wilbur said: As the cause of death? well of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted December 13, 2019 Share #13 Posted December 13, 2019 I think our belief system dictates our end of life views. Regardless of your views, if you know his views, your sentiments should align with his. She will be free of pain and suffering and she will go to wherever people in his belief system go when they die. In my case, that would be Heaven. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddmaxx ★ Posted December 13, 2019 Share #14 Posted December 13, 2019 11 minutes ago, Parr8hed said: i hope i get a big boner You just want to brag with an open bottom casket. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naomi Posted December 13, 2019 Share #15 Posted December 13, 2019 I just want to know if you realize you are dying. It makes sense to me that you have a few seconds of useful consciousness after things stop. Beyond that, I am unsure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BR46 Posted December 13, 2019 Share #16 Posted December 13, 2019 21 minutes ago, Parr8hed said: i hope i get a big boner Didn't you read the warning label about erections lasting more than 4 hours 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoseySusan Posted December 13, 2019 Share #17 Posted December 13, 2019 Robert Frost has a practical perspective on this question. ‘Out, Out—’ BY ROBERT FROST The buzz saw snarled and rattled in the yard And made dust and dropped stove-length sticks of wood, Sweet-scented stuff when the breeze drew across it. And from there those that lifted eyes could count Five mountain ranges one behind the other Under the sunset far into Vermont. And the saw snarled and rattled, snarled and rattled, As it ran light, or had to bear a load. And nothing happened: day was all but done. Call it a day, I wish they might have said To please the boy by giving him the half hour That a boy counts so much when saved from work. His sister stood beside him in her apron To tell them ‘Supper.’ At the word, the saw, As if to prove saws knew what supper meant, Leaped out at the boy’s hand, or seemed to leap— He must have given the hand. However it was, Neither refused the meeting. But the hand! The boy’s first outcry was a rueful laugh, As he swung toward them holding up the hand Half in appeal, but half as if to keep The life from spilling. Then the boy saw all— Since he was old enough to know, big boy Doing a man’s work, though a child at heart— He saw all spoiled. ‘Don’t let him cut my hand off— The doctor, when he comes. Don’t let him, sister!’ So. But the hand was gone already. The doctor put him in the dark of ether. He lay and puffed his lips out with his breath. And then—the watcher at his pulse took fright. No one believed. They listened at his heart. Little—less—nothing!—and that ended it. No more to build on there. And they, since they Were not the one dead, turned to their affairs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted December 13, 2019 Share #18 Posted December 13, 2019 57 minutes ago, Mr. Silly said: Things I wouldn't say are along the lines of, "She'll be a better place" or "She's with God now" or "You'll be in my prayers." Those types of comments are trite and worthless. I've had good responses by offering assistance. Not the open ended, "If there's anything you need..." type crap. That statement is as trite as "She's in a better place". Offer something specific, "I know you've got a lot going on, could I drop off some groceries" is a great offer and provide real assistance. Same with, "You've got to get back on the horse so I found a nice prostitute for you". Silly, groceries offer is great or some coffee and muffin when he needs to sit by her bedside. When my father was in pallative care with his cancer, we each took turns and would each sit for hours with him...barely conscious. It was just our presence, so he knew he wasn't alone. At that time, you are breathing with the person....watching their breathing...before person dies. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirby Posted December 13, 2019 Share #19 Posted December 13, 2019 I think my relatives will get together for a service, followed by a nice funeral lunch at our favorite restaurant in the Catskills (unless it's on the day of the week it's closed, then they'll go to the Italian place next door). Then my relatives will spend a lot of time cleaning out the apartment because we all have too much stuff. After they clean the house for a few hours, there will be another lunch. Death seems to involve a lot of lunching in my family. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Karen_Cooper_Incident Posted December 13, 2019 Share #20 Posted December 13, 2019 I don't know what happens. But I am not alone with that. Nobody knows what happens, regardless of what they claim - - expect for me. Mudkipz 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BR46 Posted December 13, 2019 Share #21 Posted December 13, 2019 I don't know what happens but when I stopped breathing I didn't see no light. Wo46's response to that was....Maybe you went the wrong way. 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted December 13, 2019 Share #22 Posted December 13, 2019 11 minutes ago, Couch_Incident said: I don't know what happens. But I am not alone with that. Nobody knows what happens, regardless of what they claim - - expect for me. Mudkipz I thought when you joined Sea Org you found out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomguy Posted December 13, 2019 Author Share #23 Posted December 13, 2019 2 hours ago, jsharr said: In my case, that would be Heaven. Boner heaven? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted December 13, 2019 Share #24 Posted December 13, 2019 22 minutes ago, Randomguy said: Boner heaven? To each his own. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MickinMD ★ Posted December 13, 2019 Share #25 Posted December 13, 2019 4 hours ago, Randomguy said: I suspect that we die and consciousness ends and that is pretty much it. You go to sleep and just don't wake up and no more. I would love to believe that consciousness continues somehow, you continue existing as energy, reincarnation, or any other of that hippy stuff, but I think it is the final wishful delusion of the masses when you get down to it. What do you think? I also think it's likely that death means the end of your mind's existence. I hope I'm wrong but strongly doubt it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted December 13, 2019 Share #26 Posted December 13, 2019 3 hours ago, Mr. Silly said: Things I wouldn't say are along the lines of, "She'll be a better place" or "She's with God now" or "You'll be in my prayers." Those types of comments are trite and worthless. I've had good responses by offering assistance. Not the open ended, "If there's anything you need..." type crap. That statement is as trite as "She's in a better place". Offer something specific, "I know you've got a lot going on, could I drop off some groceries" is a great offer and provide real assistance. Same with, "You've got to get back on the horse so I found a nice prostitute for you". This is really great advice, except getting on a horse with a prostitute. That sounds dangerous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Road Runner Posted December 13, 2019 Share #27 Posted December 13, 2019 How to tell if you went to Heaven or Hell: If the Cafe has a guy posting in it named AirwickWithCheese, then you are in heaven. If he is nowhere to be seen, then you are obviously in hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Road Runner Posted December 13, 2019 Share #28 Posted December 13, 2019 40 minutes ago, jsharr said: To each his own. Agreed. I'm pretty sure that boner heaven is not where I want to go. NTTIAWWT. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted December 13, 2019 Share #29 Posted December 13, 2019 5 minutes ago, Road Runner said: Agreed. I'm pretty sure that boner heaven is not where I want to go. NTTIAWWT. I gave you a hug for that. NTTIAWWT. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Road Runner Posted December 13, 2019 Share #30 Posted December 13, 2019 4 minutes ago, jsharr said: I gave you a hug for that. NTTIAWWT. I just hope you didn't have a boner when you hugged me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsharr ★ Posted December 13, 2019 Share #31 Posted December 13, 2019 8 minutes ago, Road Runner said: I just hope you didn't have a boner when you hugged me. NTTIAWWT Does it really matter? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddmaxx ★ Posted December 13, 2019 Share #32 Posted December 13, 2019 I find it difficult to wrap my head around never existing. Others may remember me but I suspect that all of my memories of being on this world will be gone......snuffed as if I'd never had them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Further Posted December 13, 2019 Share #33 Posted December 13, 2019 Lights out, all she wrote, all that's left is memories, I hope I leave a few pleasant memories 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted December 13, 2019 Share #34 Posted December 13, 2019 You probably hear the voice of Gilbert Gotfried, Morgan Freeman, George Burns, or Roseanne if you go to you know where. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airehead Posted December 13, 2019 Share #35 Posted December 13, 2019 Quakers don’t have a position on life after death. We concentrate on living now. That said, I believe there is something else just not sure what it is. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Page Turner Posted December 14, 2019 Share #36 Posted December 14, 2019 ...because I was in emergency services (and prior to that worked in a Navy hospital), I've been present a number of times when people went from "pupils reactive to light" to "non-responsive to light, touch, no pulse or breathing". It's usually pretty quiet when it happens. And of the people I've been with, I couldn't tell you whether they were relieved at the moment or terrified. But they didn't act terrified. Most people pee and/or poop themselves because the muscles controlling those functions relax. Otherwise, I couldn't really tell you. Anyway, all that stuff your mom told you about making sure you wear clean underwear every day in case you end up in the hospital was obviously bogus. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Scrapr ★ Posted December 14, 2019 Popular Post Share #37 Posted December 14, 2019 well...you have asked the right guy. I have seen death up close 2x's in the last 2 years. Well, 3 counting my dad. But he was memory care and there wasn't much to say at that point. FIL I was very close to. Closer than my Dad. He was in hospice for about 7-10 days. Only in the last couple days did he get morphine. Meaning most of that time he was in his "right" mind. At least 2 x's he talked of meeting & talking with his brother who had died years before. Specific conversations. He said it almost giggling because that is what they were like together. Always laughing. I didn't really know what to make of it. Until after he passed. Then I believe he was part in this world and part in the "other side". What that is i don't know. But i think he was stepping over and back in his last days. I was pretty sure about that at the time but not totally convinced Then WoScrapr was in her last days. She did not tell me until about the day before but her Dad (FIL) came to her in a dream a couple times. He did not talk to her but reached for her. I'm like...whoah. Shit's getting real. Shortly after the tumors on WoScrapr's windpipe were impinging on her breathing and she asked for the cocktail. We had the Death with Dignity all set up & I mixed up the drinks. As she was fading we had a glass of wine & I asked her to come for me when it was my time. She said Ok and she was off So yes I believe there is another side or whatever that we pass over. And there is a short period where we pass back & forth to both worlds * I'm drunk. Neighbors had a very nice Happy Hour tonight 6 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralphie ★ Posted December 14, 2019 Share #38 Posted December 14, 2019 Maybe you get deposited on the side of the New Jersey turnpike like in Being John. Malkevich.:D 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tizeye Posted December 14, 2019 Share #39 Posted December 14, 2019 The ultimate puppet. You come back and start random posts here. At least you have some warning as you start seeing fragments floating across the screen...the work of a puppet letting you know as they light the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Scrapr ★ Posted December 14, 2019 Popular Post Share #40 Posted December 14, 2019 ohh, I forgot...what to say do not say "She's in a better place" or God's will. Sorry for your loss gets tiresome but people really don't know what to say so that's OK with me Some nice things are I wish you strength. Peace be with you. Sometimes even I'm sorry. After the death and the Funeral or Celebration is when it gets real. I tell you it sucks then. The enormity of total loss. If you can find it in your heart to take him out for a meal that helps a lot. Check in on him. Phone, e mail, text whatever. The house is so very quiet I bought a Sonos speaker to stream some music *not drunk now. But still 3:00 am 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petitepedal ★ Posted December 14, 2019 Share #41 Posted December 14, 2019 2 minutes ago, Scrapr said: ohh, I forgot...what to say do not say "She's in a better place" or God's will. Sorry for your loss gets tiresome but people really don't know what to say so that's OK with me Some nice things are I wish you strength. Peace be with you. Sometimes even I'm sorry. After the death and the Funeral or Celebration is when it gets real. I tell you it sucks then. The enormity of total loss. If you can find it in your heart to take him out for a meal that helps a lot. Check in on him. Phone, e mail, text whatever. The house is so very quiet I bought a Sonos speaker to stream some music *not drunk now. But still 3:00 am I would make you cookies! Sending you hugs..cos some moments make it feel like it just happened...and the pain is so real. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airehead Posted December 14, 2019 Share #42 Posted December 14, 2019 @Scrapr, you are wise and I love you. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Naomi Posted December 14, 2019 Popular Post Share #43 Posted December 14, 2019 7 hours ago, Scrapr said: So yes I believe there is another side or whatever that we pass over. And there is a short period where we pass back & forth to both worlds I would like to believe this as well. My father had lost his religion but maintained his spirituality in late life. He had always been fascinated by Bald Eagles and living on the BC coast his entire life, had lots of exposure to them. When he cleaned fish on the beach, he would always feed the entrails to the eagles. When he passed, we had an informal, non-religious celebration of life in my brothers back yard. When the grandchildren released 84 balloons, the balloons were joined by a Bald Eagle that circled them until they went out of sight. So, a very timely coincidence.. or maybe, not. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffJim Posted December 14, 2019 Share #44 Posted December 14, 2019 I have traditional Christian beliefs. Heaven, Hell etc. Jesus said to one of the criminals on the cross “Today you will be with me in Paradise”. Luke 23:43. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoseySusan Posted December 14, 2019 Share #45 Posted December 14, 2019 Totally what @Kirby said. Lots of prayers and lunching. The teacher who inherits my darkroom turned storage area will probably issue an inordinate number of WTFs as they try to clear it out. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
groupw Posted December 14, 2019 Share #46 Posted December 14, 2019 A while back, scientists showed there was a release of energy by the body that the time of death. What that means is conjecture. Is our infinity that burst of energy? Richard Thompson one shared - in heaven, the British greet you, the Germans do the organization, the French do the cooking and the Italians provide the entertainment. In Hell, the French greet you, the Italians do the organization, the British cook and the Germans provide the entertainment. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffJim Posted December 14, 2019 Share #47 Posted December 14, 2019 4 hours ago, roadsue said: Totally what @Kirby said. Lots of prayers and lunching. BuffCarla‘s favorite Aunt died this week. We’ll be doing that Later this week. Funerals in the African American churches feature very loud and passionate solos of the deceased favorite spirituals. Different from what I’m used to, but very meaningful. Also going to visit the remaining family tonight. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dottleshead ★ Posted December 14, 2019 Share #48 Posted December 14, 2019 21 hours ago, jsharr said: I gave you a hug for that. NTTIAWWT. I'm glad you didn't say 'tug'. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootingstar Posted December 14, 2019 Share #49 Posted December 14, 2019 I can only hope that my niece and nephew are reminded how much their deceased mother loves them ..if she appears in their dreams. Suicide of a parent is enormously devastating to the children. People at work do not know I lost a sister via suicide. One colleague thought I was a fearless at work in my group presentations.... Believe me, a lot of problems at work, any misconceptions /insults (if any) at me, ARE incredibly pale and minor to me, in wake of such tragedy. I don't want colleagues view me as "weaker" on the job. But there is a real reason I'm not interested in work-related political games, gossip based on insecurities,etc. I would rather my friends share with me their good times with siblings. That they know as aunt the importance of inclusion of these now adult childern in family functions, the importance of passing down family history stories since they have lost the parental link to their Chinese biracial side. I try to explain large historical events in Canada and China that have directly affected our extended family. Yea, even family recipes (of which some appears in my blog). It helps the next generation to pass down the best stories from family...that there has been legacy before them and now bestowed to them, so that they aren't so dismissive of history, that it's boring, that THEY are making history now. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Further Posted December 14, 2019 Share #50 Posted December 14, 2019 When I die, somewhere a butterfly will miss a beat 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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